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I love my Jack Adams

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The most recent Daily Jocks ad, with a darkly brooding model in Jack Adams  briefs who’s performing the first step in a cock-tease show, pulling down one side of those briefs, hinting that he might be willing to give us more:

(#1)

I love my Jack Adams

When Adam delved
Into his briefs,
Seeking his identity,
He named himself —
For his belovèd
Underwear.

In its ads, the underwear firm Jack Adams (JA) — it specializes in jockstraps, but offers a full range of styles — focuses on masculinity, with an unmistakable homoerotic subtext, though its statements are tamer, emphasizing athleticism and stylishness, as here:

Jack Adams – Defined By The Man Who Wears It: Founded in 2010, Jack Adams is an underwear and activewear brand that’s defined by the man who wears it. We appeal to the athletic man with a masculine style – and a strong sense of style at that. We are one of the few brands that clearly acknowledge the confidence that can come from a fashionable, maybe even sexy pair of underwear. That’s why the quintessential Jack Adams man is self-assured, comfortable in his own skin, and even more comfortable in Jack Adams style.

The firm’s name conjures up (no doubt intentionally) a huge assortment of associations, masculine and sexual, with Jack, jack, and Adam.

JA uses a wide range of model types (though they’re all in fantastic shape), with a variety of presentations of themselves. The guy above falls pretty far out on the male-hustler end of the scale.

I’ll look at a bunch of Jack Adams models in a little while. But first, notes on two of the allusions in my caption above.

The title. An echo of the British singer-songwriter Donovan’s song “I Love My Shirt”, from the 1969 album Barabajagal, a song you can hear at this YouTube link.

Delving.  That is, ‘digging’. Here the echo is of a famous couplet:

(#2)

From the Victorian Web site, this is a William Morris illumination of A Dream of John Ball (1892), on the words of reformist preacher John Ball during the 1381 peasant rebellion (a sermon about the unequal distribution of wealth).

Previously on this blog. Two postings with JA in them. On 1/16/13, a posting on “The H fly”: the horizontal or army fly, which allows a man to fish out his penis from above with ease, illustrated by the JA Army Fly Jock Brief (in case you’ve forgotten, a jock brief is a brief in front, a jockstrap – hence open-rear – in back; sort of like a mullet, business in front, party in the rear).

And then on 9/14/15, a posting on “Alex Minsky and his underwear”, on 2014 JA model Minsky: heavily tattoed, very hot, and with a prosthetic lower right leg.

Jesse Jordan. That was 2014. The 2013 JA model was Jesse Jordan, a favorite of mine. Also tattooed, but more lightly, and given to facial expressions that suggest he might be about to smile — certainly, neither overtly seductive nor challenging. Three items. First, the JA Footballer Lace Up Jockstrap (in red and black), a preposterous but entertaining garment:

(#3)

Then a JA Army Fly Brief (with H fly), in black (and now we see the tattoing on his right pec: “Ich Liebe” ‘I love’):

(#4)

And the JA Core Boxer Brief, in grey, with a great big jutting pouch:

(#5)

From the Model Mayhem site, we learn that 34-year-old Jesse Daniel Jordan, who lives in L.A., is a big man (6′ 2″, 203 lbs.). From his sweetly enthusiastic personal statement, we learn that he’s also a hair stylist:

I [have] been very fortunate to work in many different avenues of entertainment. I have modeled for magazines and billboards, was on a reality tv show on Bravo called “Workout,” acted in commercials, and I am a licensed hair stylist. As a hair stylist I have worked with some of the top magazines and celebrities. I am open to both modeling and hair jobs. I consider myself a kind and hard working person so feel free to message me about potential jobs. THANK YOU!

Dylan Austin Scott. Male fitness model Scott was the 2012 JA model. As far as I can tell, he’s inkless, and he’s clean-shaven. Two poses, in the JA BodyFlex Mesh Jockstrap, in black, snapping a strap; and in the JA Trainer Trunk, in white, with another big jutting pouch:

(#6)

(#7)

And then, out of his underwear. showing off his muscles and smiling devilishly through cock-teasing:

(#8)

One more JA model: John Strand, shown here in a JA Air Mesh Track Short:

(#9)

One of his moods. In a wilder mood and a different presentation of self, he’s posed for a number of cock-tease shots by David Wagner, for instance:

(#10)



Get Sporty

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(Underwear, men’s bodies, and gay sex, though nothing hard-core, and there will be some material on language. Use your judgment.)

Yesterday’s ad from Daily Jocks, with a racy caption of my own devising:

  (#1)

Sporty is solid working-class
South Boston, accent and all,
Quit high school to
Work construction, realized
Petty crime could be more
Profitable if you had a solid
Gang behind you, got approached by a
Needy fag for sex, discovered he liked
That work too and made a sideline as
Rough trade, looking and acting
Dangerous, slapping johns
Around, treating them like
Shit, but reliably never actually
Hurting them, so now he has a solid
Roster of johns paying good money to
Get Sporty.

The ad copy that goes along with #1:

Welcome to 2016! We’ve got an amazing year planned for you with new styles, brands and extra-special offers to help you look your best above and below the belt. [It’s a rare piece of premium underwear ad copy that doesn’t make an allusion to the crotch and its treasures; here, it’s “below the belt”.] Get started with 20% off Sportswear this week from brands including Pump, BCNU, Teamm8, Jack Adams, Marcuse Supawear and more. Workout harder with your new look.

Lots to cover here. Start with the gay slang rough trade: ‘rough or lower-class men sought, and sometimes paid, as casual sexual partners by more privileged or affluent men’ (NOAD2)

Here we see male model Christian Hogue playing at being rough trade:

  (#2)

To come: more on Christian Hogue (because he loves displaying his body, including in cock-tease shots); on the adjective sporty; and on Elmore Leonard’s novel Get Shorty and the movie made from it, as well as on Leonard’s writing, which (among other things) celebrated the vernacular speech of the working class and, and especially of lowlifes (like Sporty in the caption).

Christian Hogue.Here’s the man modeling C-In2 Core Basic (photo by Rick Day):

  (#3)

The underwear is pulled down low, and he’s got fingers hooked in the waistband to pull them down further.

And then all the way, with cock-tease Hogue naked but covering his crotch:

  (#4)

The adjective sporty. The ad in #1 exhorts the (male) viewer to get sporty, using the adjective in one or both of the first two senses from NOAD2, but also in a sense related to the fourth:

[main sense] flashy or showy in dress or behavior.
[a] (of clothing) casual yet attractively stylish: a sporty outfit.
[b] (of a car) compact and with fast acceleration: a sporty red coupe.
[c] [of a person] fond of or good at sports.

Certainly sense a, maybe also the main sense, but also in something related to sense d, namely a sense along the lines of ‘(of clothing) intended as or good as sportswear’.

Get Shorty. But the ad slogan is surely also intended as a play on the title Get Shorty. From Wikipedia:

Get Shorty is a 1995 crime thriller comedy film based on Elmore Leonard’s novel of the same name. Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld and starring John Travolta, Gene Hackman, Rene Russo, and Danny DeVito, the plot remained true to the book except for a few minor details. A sequel, titled Be Cool, was released in 2005.

  (#5)

Russo, DeVito, and Hackman standing in front of Travolta

The plot is extraordinarily intricate, but here’s a bit (from a 10/20/95 review by Roger Ebert) that explains where the film’s title comes from:

Harry Zimm [(Gene Hackman)] … is found in bed with Karen Flores (Rene Russo), a “scream queen” who is the kind of actress who becomes a cover girl for Fangoria. She used to be married to Martin Weir (Danny DeVito), a major, if short, movie star. They all scheme to get “Shorty” into their picture, and the movie’s single best scene is one where Travolta gives DeVito acting lessons in how to look filled with menace.

My caption carries this ‘get Shorty to play in a movie’ sense over to the sense ‘get Sporty to serve as a sex partner’.

Elmore Leonard and his writing. The characters in Leonard’s books talk incessantly, and they do so in the accents (and grammar) of the working class, especially working-class crooks, petty criminals, grifters, and other lowlifes. (Petty criminals like Sporty in my caption, with his working-class Southie accent.)

Leonard on Wikipedia:

Elmore John Leonard, Jr. (October 11, 1925 – August 20, 2013) was an American

novelist, short story writer, and screenwriter. His earliest novels, published in the 1950s, were Westerns, but Leonard went on to specialize in crime fiction and suspense thrillers, many of which have been adapted into motion pictures.

Among his best-known works are Get Shorty, Out of Sight, Hombre, Mr. Majestyk, and Rum Punch (adapted for the movie Jackie Brown). Leonard’s writings include short stories that became the films 3:10 to Yuma and The Tall T, as well as the FX television series Justified.

Elmore is famous for his representations of vernacular speech and also for his masterful use of free indirect style in representing the internal speech of his characters. Two relevant postings on this blog: “Lowlife dialogue” of 6/6/12, and the first section of “Two stylists” of 8/23/13, which is an obit for Leonard; the other section is an obit for pianist Marian McPartland).


An eruption of bromanteaus

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Just when you thought that the ship of bromanteaus and other brocabulary (involving the (North American) slang term bro ‘brother, buddy’, used especially as an address term) had long ago sailed into oblivion, Geico comes along with a recent ad campaign that erupts with goofy brocabulary.

It’s the “gym commercial” for Geico insurance, showing two buddies working out with weights at a gym (one of them bulking up considerably in the process). For fans of shirtlessness, here’s a still from the commercial:

You can watch the whole thing on YouTube here.

It starts with Guy 1 (the guy in the still) saying to  Guy 2, “Check this out, bro”, and Guy 2 responding, “What’s that, broheim?” (using another address term meaning ‘brother, buddy’, conventionally spelled broheim but pronounced /bròhím/ in the commercial; more on the word in a little while). And then they go back and forth about the virtues of Geico insurance, each turn introducing another piece of brocabulary:

brofessor, brotato chip, brotein shake, Teddy Broosevelt

(with accented bro replacing the first syllable in the words professor, potato, protein, and Roosevelt — all syllables that are already phonetically close to [bro]).

But that’s not the end of it: the commercial (made by the Martin Agency) appears under a number of titles:

Brocabulary, Brorritos, Bromosapien, Bronoculars, Brobot, Brozone Layer

(with more initial replacements by accented bro),

Edgar Allan Bro, Vincent Van Bro

(with replacement of the last element of a name), and

Avbrocado, Guacbromole

(with replacement of a medial element). All very goofily playful.

The item broheim. Grant Barrett on the Way With Words site on 6/9/06:

broheim n. brother; friend, buddy. Also broham, brougham, or (rarely) broheem. Editorial Note: This term was recently popularized by the movie A History of Violence. Etymological Note: The Berkeley High School Slang Dictionary (2004, North Atlantic Books, Berkeley, California) says that the brougham variation derives from the Cadillac Brougham, a high-end sedan; however, there is no substantiation for this and it is highly unlikely.

Other speculations on its origin. Some commenters on Grant’s posting see it as as bro plus a Germanic element seen in German Heim ‘home’.  The association of the item with Black English vernacular makes this origin story (as well as the sedan-car story) relatively unlikely. Then there were commenters who knew it in an (American) Jewish context, and took it to be from a Yiddish ritual greeting, ultimately deriving from Hebrew. In general, people were reporting information about the context in which they were first aware of it, not at all the same thing as tracing the word back to its source

Grant was unimpressed with these stories, observing again and again that working out the origins  was not a particularly useful enterprise; the real question is about who uses the word, in what contexts, and for what purposes, now, and finding the original meaning (something that’s extraordinarily hard to do for many slang expressions) tells us absolutely nothing about that.

The word bro itself certainly began life as a clipping of brother, almost surely in AAVE (African American vernacular English), but it long ago escaped into much more general use.

Brocabulary. I started posting on brocabulary on this blog on 12/27/08, in “Manecdotes and brobituaries”, reporting on a book entitled Brocabulary, which was full of invented bromanteaus and related portmanteau words. The first browords to achieve widespread use seem to have been the noun bromance and its related adjective bromantic, referring to an intense (but non-sexual) relationship between straight men. Suceeding postings:

8/23/11, “Isn’t it bromantic?” (link): a cartoon with the adjective bromantic

8/26/11, “Bromantic lexicography” (link):  bromance added to a dictionary

9/20/11, “Dubious bromanteau” (link): brony = bro + pony (as in My Little Pony)

3/22/12, “man-bro-guy-” (link): brosiery = bro + hosiery

3/25/12, “On the bro- watch” (link): brogrammer (and the bronus brotein)

3/27/12, “more bro” (link): more bromanteaus: broga (bro + yoga), brogrammer again

10/4/14, “Bromantics: Pine and Quinto, Kirk and Spock” (link)

3/8/15. “Bromancing the Bone” (link): non-sexual bromance; sexual brolovers

12/12/15, “Sex between straight men: bro-jobs” (link): and other brocabulary; bro-choice campaign (involving pro-choice bros)


Head scratcher

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(No sexually problematic content, but not much language either.)

Today’s Daily Jocks ad, this time for Diesel underwear. With a caption added by me:

Tony came to in an empty featureless
Cell, all in grey, with no door he could find,
Wearing only his new Diesel “Under Denim” Trunk in
Dusty Blue, with its hot contour pouch to show off
His stuff – Where was he? How did he get here?
What would happen to him? And what was in that
Drink that Hunky Dude bought for him?

The ad copy, plus some information from Diesel about the underwear:

[DJ copy:] This brand needs [no] introduction, we welcome Diesel Underwear Collections to our lineup of styles. Featuring cutting-edge designs, bold waistbands and iconic styling – your underwear drawer will crave this addition. [Whose underwear drawer has cravings?]

[Diesel copy:] The “Under Denim” trunk [in Dusty Blue] from Diesel’s new Under Denim collection which reflects the rich heritage of the mainline denim jeans range. [Diesel also makes and sells jeans.]

With contour pouch. It also comes in Indigo and Navy.


The Super Bowl looms

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(There’s linguistic content here, but also considerable discussion of men’s bodies and man-man sexual acts, so this is not for kids or the sexually modest. For the rest of you, the man-man stuff includes some pretty extreme practices — not illustrated, but nevertheless described, and some will find this material distressing, though there’s not a whole lot of it. Just a warning.)

On Super Bowl 50, a gay gangbang, language play in porn, and the careening career of gay pornstar Dayton O’Connor, all of this inspired by an ad today under the header “C1R Locker Room Super Bowl Pass”, with two stills from the Channel 1 Releasing gay porn flick Gridiron Gang Bang: a locker room scene and a rear shot of Dylan O’Connor in football gear. The logo for the game:

(#1)

And DO on display:

(#2)

Background 1. The Super Bowl is an American football game that determines the championship of the NFL (National Football League). Tomorrow’s game, pitting the Carolina Panthers against the Denver Broncos, will be played in Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara CA (though the celebratory and touristic events take place in San Francisco). My grand-daughter Opal is with her father in Santa Clara this week, so they’ve decided to escape the Super Bowl by going skiing. Some other local friends are doing the same.

My interest in American football has declined to near zero, so I won’t be watching the game on television. I have, in fact, a spotless record of not watching Super Bowls, even for the halftime shows and the ads (well, the most entertaining and the most controversial of this material will be available on YouTube). For me, Super Bowl Sunday is just another Sunday.

Background 2. The flick, advertised as Gridiron Gang Bang or Gridiron GangBang or Gridiron Gangbang (with the subtitle Penetration in the Backfield), was the subject of an AZBlogX posting “In the locker room, half-hard” of 10/21/15, featuring a locker room scene showing two men with half-hard cocks. Men’s locker rooms are, of course, prime territory for homoerootic photography and gay porn.)

Background 3. I’ve treated gangbangs several times on this blog, mostly focusing on gay gangbangs (which I suppose we could call gaybangs for short), as in the C1R football flick. My 11/27/14 posting “Ask AMZ: two queries” has a section on gangbang(er)s in general; my most recent posting on the subject, “The black gangbang fantasy” (from 12/10/15), is about black bangers doing white targets.

The C1R ad popped up in my mailbox as I was preparing a posting on a compilation of gaybang scenes from JetSet flicks, Gang Bang: The Collector’s Edition. Gaybangs are all over the place in gay porn — as scenes in episodic porn (sometimes the featured scene, as in the C1R football flick) and then in innumerable compilations of these scenes, for the appreciation of pig bottoms and those who fantasize about being pig bottoms.

That posting is about gaybangs, both in porn and in real life, and how they unfold. Coming soon to this theater.

Language play. The world of commercial porn, of all sorts, tends to be ostentatiously playful. In titles and in ad copy. In the case of the C1R, the studio had all the vocabulary of football to play with, and they’ve embraced the opportunities.

The title, Gridiron Gang Bang, merely has alliteration (and the rhyme built into gangbang, of course).

[Digression on gridiron. From NOAD2, with a primary sense and the metaphorical sense in football:

a frame of parallel bars or beams, typically in two sets arranged at right angles, in particular: a frame of parallel metal bars used for grilling meat or fish over an open fire; a frame of parallel beams for supporting a ship in dock; (in the theater) a framework over a stage supporting scenery and lighting

a field for football, marked with regularly spaced parallel lines

It’s ultimately related to griddle, in association with iron (the metal).]

The subtitle, Penetrating the Backfield, achieves a double entendre in two of its three words.

First, the verb penetrate, with a primary sense that is used in football as well as in other contexts and a sexual sense that’s a specialization of the primary sense. From NOAD2:

succeed in forcing a way into or through (a thing); (of a man) insert the penis into the vagina or anus of (a sexual partner)

And then the noun backfield:

Football   the area of play behind either the offensive or defensive line; the players positioned in the backfield

That is, backfield corresponds to anatomical backside, a euphemism for ass or butt ‘buttocks; rectum, anus’, so in a gay male context we have an anal reference: penetrating the backfield is fucking. Meanwhile, penetrating the backfield is also ordinary football-talk.

Then there’s the header in the ad, “C1R Locker Room Super Bowl Pass”, which manages a triple entendre, with two innocent senses of the noun pass that are both relevant in the football context and one sexual sense.

First, the football verb pass. From NOAD2:

(in football, soccer, hockey, and other games) throw, kick, or hit (the ball or puck) to another player on one’s own team.

From this, a noun pass ‘(in football etc.) an act of passing the ball or puck’.

Then another non-sexual noun pass:

a card, ticket, or permit giving authorization for the holder to enter or have access to a place, form of transportation, or event

This is relevant to the C1R ad because the ad promises to give you, the potential buyer of the porn flick, a pass that will, whoopee!,  get you into a football team’s locker room and everything that happens there.

Finally, the sexual noun pass:

informal  an amorous or sexual advance made to someone

(most often in the collocation make a pass at). So your locker room pass will get you in to see naked sweaty football players (who make passes, that is, pass the ball to one another, on the football field) making passes at (that is, making sexual advances to) one other. Of course, this is gay male fantasy, so all the passes are successful: all the guys making passes in the locker room get to penetrate the receivers of those passes.

Dayton O’Connor. The story begins in 2006, when DO was roughly 21 and his porn career started with the Sean Cody studio. He was then a really cute twink, exclusively a top (still his preferred role in fucking):

(#3)

In 2008 comes Gridiron Gang Bang, probably the best work of his career. Rear shot in #2, front shot (in football pants) here:

(#4)

I know, I know, he doesn’t have a football player’s body, but viewers were surely willing to suspend their disbelief in order to appreciate the man’s sexual appetites.

Eventually, DO bottoms on occasion and flip-fucks too. Most of the pros do.

In a 2011 interview, DO (said to be 26) advocates safe sex. He says that he’s in a committed relationship and sometimes barebacks his partner, but that’s only in a safe context, and he implies that he and his partners in porn always use condoms.

He then acts in fewer and fewer films and is rumored to have retired from the business

But he reappears in 2013 and does his first bareback scene; also does a MenOnEdge scene for kink.com that year, a scene in which he’s bound and edged. In a still cropped for modesty:

(#5)

At this point he was rougher looking, often with beard and mustache; and sexually wilder; also reported to be poz (HIV-positive); and sometimes looked druggy.

Then came Viral Loads for Paul Morris’s Treasure Island Media (bareback specialists) in 2014, a film starring openly poz Blue Bailey, who’s the target of a 20-man gaybang. Things are getting seriously icky. From the studio’s description:

To finish up his man worship initiation, we bring out a brimful jar full of more than 200 poz loads. Blue’s good buddies Dayton O’Connor and Drew Sebastian carefully squirt every fucking drop up Blue’s knocked-up ass.

In 2015, at least three films of note:

DO was the star in and director of Pure Bred (with puppy play and also bareback fucking) for Raw Fuck Club (Dark Alley Media). (The adjective raw and the verb breed are both codes for bareback sex.)

And he performed in Gang Fucked 4 for Raw Fuck Club.

And he appeared in Breeding Season 3 for Treasure Island Media, with very crude and rough dom-sub (configured as stud-fag) scenes. In one, DO is reported to cut his partner with a knife, then fuck him bareback using blood as a lube.

I’m assuming (well, hoping) the blood is simulated, but still …

This is a long way from the cute twink in #3. I hate to think what comes next.

No doubt the calculatedly outrageous Paul Morris (who worked as an actor in gay porn before becoming the entrepreneur of Treasure Island Media) views this sort of stuff as a probing exploration of our animal natures. In any case, he says that he makes these films for men who find them arousing, and if they don’t suit you, you shouldn’t watch them.


Trent Atkins, a great bottom

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(Pretty solidly about men’s bodies and mansex, in very plain street language — which I consider to be the default vocabulary for talking at length about the details of mansex —  but much of it is about the presentation of a sexual self and the structuring of gay porn, and some about the vocabulary for talking about these things. There are sexy images, but none over the line; the X-rated visuals are in an AZBlogX posting “X-rated Trent Atkins”. Still, this posting is absolutely not for kids or the sexually modest.)

I begin with the DVD that in some sense inspired this posting, Trent Atkins’s Best of DVD:

(#1)

A smooth (smooth-bodied and clean-shaven) very fit young man with a nicely muscled swimmer’s body; mid-length hair with a bit of blond streaking; an inscrutable facial expression that is neither challenging nor ingratiating; and jeans pulled down in reveal a substantial male ass in tighty-whities. Not exactly a classic twink, but maybe a muscle twink or just a muscle boy. In any case, displaying that ass and making it available for fucking. (This is, after all, a DVD of scenes from gay porn, a context in which an ass displayed like this sends a Fuck Me message.)

Images on AZBlogX:

#1: Atkins displaying his naked body in a frontal shot, with discussion of height (short at 5 ft. 5), body type (swimmer), body size (slim and compact rather than massive), and dick size (at 6 in., in the normal range, and entirely proportional to his height and body mass, but short of the usual 7-inch minimum for gay pornstars). Oh yes, Indiana Univ. logo tattoed on his hip.

#2: Atkins fucked by taller, bulkier, more muscular, hairier (and apparently older) Alessio Romero — though, despite these disparities the two men are in competition over who’s in charge in the encounter. Atkins is an enthusiastic bottom, virtually exclusively so far as I can tell (in his porn roles and in real life), but he’s nevertheless inclined to assume the dominant t role in his encounters, ordering his partners to fuck him, demanding that they do it (“Do it, now: fuck my ass!”), rather than submissively asking, or even begging, them to do it (“Oh god, please fuck me!”). Bottoms are often taken to be low in masculinity (getting fucked is the province of women), but Atkins counteracts this with t behavior.

#3: Atkins as the focus in a gang bang, taking on six bangers.

#4: Atkins as the focus in another, more entertaining, gang bang, taking on four bangers, in a screenshot with Atkins doing a handstand to make his asshole more easily available to one of the bangers (this at the rimming stage of the gang bang, before the fucking and bukkake stages). More detailed discussion of the encounter on AXBlogX. For an explanation of the handstand, see the following.

IMDb notes on the actor:

Trent Atkins participated in gymnastics for ten years before switching to springboard and platform diving. In 1997, he received a scholarship to Indiana University for his athletics. He never finished his stint there and went to Los Angeles where he became an adult film actor. While working in the adult industry, Trent managed to contact a diving coach in Hawaii, where he attended The University of Hawaii at Manoa and earned a BA in Economics.

(He was born 12/27/78 in Minot ND but grew up in San Diego CA. He sees himself as something of  a California beach boy.)

He took a break from gay porn for a time while he was working on his degree, but is now back at work. Interviews suggest that he sees his porn work as a serious job, a profession even, that requires commitment much like that needed to train for gymnastics and diving. (He’s also a licensed massage therapist, by the way. A body man in a whole lot of ways.)

As for his sexual orientation, he is frankly gay. Well, he might say that his orientation was as a bottom, and the same-sex desire, gay self-identification, and involvement in gay culture followed from that. (I wonder if there are any gay-for-pay porn actors — men who identify as straight — who are total bottoms. As far as I can tell, all the celebrated bottoms in gay porn have been frankly gay, though a few, like Joey Stefano, have been sadly conflicted over their desires, ashamed of them.) That is to say, Atkins has a kind of deep emotional commitment to bottoming; he’s what I’ve called an an uberbottom.

(Like so many gay pornstars, Atkins loves to display his body for an audience, and he has a high sex drive.)

In his presentation of self outside of his porn roles, he comes across as clearly gay (also as sweet, smilingly amiable, funny, thoughtful, and smart): he has a light (rather than deep) voice (so do I), and, more important, he has a modestly gay voice (with some of the phonetic properties of the GV — which I do not); especially when this is combined with his facial expressions and gestures, I don’t think you’d miss that he was gay, but he doesn’t come across as exaggeratedly so. (Obviously, I find him very attractive.)

Some images, concentrating on changes in his hair over the years. First, an early photo from men magazine, Atkins looking very twinkish:

(#2)

Then the visual presentation in #1, with shorter hair and only a small flash of blond. And then the short- and dark-haired Atkins in the Michael Lucas Raunch film Ride it Wet (2012), a watersports  feature:

(#3)

Here Atkins is in his pisspig costume for the role: PigSkin briefs in piss-coded yellow. The TLAGay blurb, which I include here because I think it’s hyperbolically hilarious (bring on the horse-hung hot tops!):

There’s no shortage of hot and horny guys with hungry asses [piling on the H] ready to take cock and Ride It Wet from some of Lucas Raunch’s filthiest hung tops. Cuban pornstar Damien Crosse drenches muscle bottom Felix Barca in piss before fucking him in the shower. Raunchy top Edji Da Silva degrades Rio Montenegro with wads of spit and puddles of urine. Preston Steel fucks tight bottom-boy Trent Atkins on a piss-soaked sofa. Kyle King uses Tate Ryder’s mouth as a urinal. And hardcore pornstar Drew Cutler fucks Adam Herst through a gloryhole before soaking him to the bone. [The verb drench and the idiom soak to the bone are clichës of the watersports genre.] All of these hot, dominant tops have no problem making their bottom boys Ride It Wet.

(I see no reason why fuckbottoms should also be pissbottoms, but in this feature the two roles are rigidly aligned, possibly because some men, maybe even Michael Lucas himself (who’s both a fucktop and a pisstop, think that both roles are humiliating. But an uberbottom like Atkins doesn’t psychologically configure getting fucked as humiliating: for such a man, it’s an exhilarating sharing of masculinity in which he absorbs masculinity from his top (via the top’s cock in his body) and simultaneously flaunts his masculine toughness.)

[Later interpolation, spurred by comments from friends. I’m not disparaging humiliation (not to mention submission and pain and even disgust) as sexually powerful — I’ve posted several times on these pleasures for many men and written on them as streaks in my own sexual makeup — just denying that they seem to be the main things that are going on with Trent Atkins. About some other uberbottoms and ubercocksuckers I’m not so sure. Of course, the springs of tastes can be multiple and complex (as well as outside consciousness). To this end, I note that Atkins’s preference for partners in real life seems to be for bigger, more muscular, hairier, and more strongly masculine men — who want to serve as top and who are, of course, gay.]

Finally, his long-prevalent visual presentation, with light brown hair in a masculine buzzcut, here in The Velvet Mafia, Part 2 (Falcon, 2006):

(#4)

A bit into this scene, Atkins is supine, ankles in the air, getting Missionaried by his top, Brock Penn, when Penn slaps Atkins’s ass — and Atkins orders Penn to slap him more, and harder (and Penn does, reddening Atkins’s ass to the bottom’s satisfaction). An arresting moment: Atkins doesn’t have control of his body at all, but he’s still calling the shots.

Two interviews. There’s a brief video interview on Lucas Raunch, which you can view here, where you can see and hear the man. In his early 30s then, but still (to my eyes and ears, anyway) definitely cute as well as pleasantly gay.

Then a nice print interview from 2011, with Atkins doing shop talk: on G4P (gay for pay), on taking enormous things up his ass, and on dick size, among other things. Excerpts:

Interviewer: If there was one thing you would change about the business, what would it be?

Atkins: If I had my own company I wouldn’t use gay for pay models. I like working with guys who are into me, and I like to watch porn where you can see a definitive chemistry between two people.

… I honestly hate to work with so called gay for payers. They take forever, complain a lot, and tend to have more attitude than I care to deal with. I come to every job believing that nobody is better than anyone else. I don’t care who you think you are. We are all paid to do the same thing. If you can’t be professional, show up on time, and follow the rules then you shouldn’t be there.

Interviewer: Your on screen personae is a bottom who [personae are bottoms who OR persona is a bottom who] can handle any size of a dick. [any size of a dick is a notable csse of Exceptional Degree Modification (EDM), for which there is a Page on this blog] [Sorry, I can’t just suppress the linguist in me; but feel free to make bad jokes like “Sorry, Prof. Zwicky can’t come to the phone right now: he has a linguist in him and can’t get out of bed at the moment.”] Does that translate into your personal life? Have you ever been presented with a dick that was just too much?

Atkins: I never say too big. I’m flexible, so things seem to just slide right in. Ha! Ha! I think I was just born to bottom. [“born to bottom” – wonderful phrase, should be made into a song, or maybe a whole movie]

In my personal life though, I prefer ’em all sizes. Some of my best lovers have had smaller dicks. Sometimes when a guy has a huge dick, he thinks that’s all he needs to be a good fuck. Guys with small dicks know they are small, so they pay more attention to love making. That’s just my own personal experience though. I think huge dicks are fun to look at, and smack around, but [for getting fucked] I prefer anything from 5 to 8 inches.

 


Tinging the scalene triangle

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From Daily Jocks on the 2nd, a set of three images for 2eros underwear, with this ad copy (untouched here):

X MARKS THE SPOT

Australian luxury brand 2eros have released The X-Series, a new active underwear collection. Each styles comes in two marle colours, grey and black. It features 2EROS’s signature form fit and singled lined pouch for that enhanced but natural lift. Made from premium Lenzing Modal® which has epitomized pure luxury and softness for over 40 years.

Give your skin the ultimate sensual feeling, the fibre remains wonderfully soft even after repeated washing and retains its color brilliance.

(As you will see in #2 below, the spot that X marks seems to be the anus.)

[Quick addition: I neglected to explain marle. This is the British spelling corresponding to American marl. From NOAD2:

a mottled yarn of differently coloured threads, or fabric made from this yarn: blue marl leggings. ORIGIN late 19th cent.: shortening of marbled.

Similarly, red marl, navy marl, and, yes, grey/gray marl and black marl.]

Below the fold, the three images, in the sequence they came in, with a little tale of a romantic triangle in my captions.

(#1)

Scene 1: Negligent ebony and yearning ivory

Jamal, wanting nothing to do with a
White faggot looking for a black stud to
Top him, ignores the bitch; Tommy is
Wicked hot for him, but averts his gaze,
Wouldn’t want to be staring blatantly at the
Object of his desire.

(#2)

Scene 2: The dance of the two skivvies

Desperate, Tommy becomes openly
Seductive towards Jamal, does a
Bold ass tease, a sly cock tease for him,
But no dice: Tommy is
Devastated.

(#3)

Scene 3: The third man in grey

Comes muscular Brad, commanding in
Grey — Whoa! Jamal seriously
Reconsiders white guys.

Unpacking the titles of the three scenes is left as an exercise for the reader. But I’ll unpack part of the main title, “Tinging the scalene triangle”. Here’s one such triangle:

(#4)

Put Tommy at the left vertex, Jamal at the top right, Brad at the bottom right, so that the distances between their verticles corresponds to the emotional distances between the men.

Now, from the Know Your Meme site:

“Ah, the Scalene Triangle” is an expression associated with a video in which the narrator seductively repeats the phrase “ahh the scalene triangle” while zooming in on an illustration of the geometric figure.

On September 8th, 2012, Tumblr user Drawing Guitarist posted a video in which the narrator repeats the phrase “Ah, the scalene triangle” with increasingly sexual overtones [climaxing in “Aaaah, fuck me, scalene triangle!”] while zooming in on an illustration of a scalene triangle. Within 11 days, the post received over 35,000 notes.

The video is on the Know Your Meme site.

(To recap from your school days: equilateral triangle, all three sides the same length; isosceles triangle, two sides the same length; scalene triangle, three sides of different lengths.)


Fruit loops

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My posting on breakfast cereals for kids and the way they are marketed focused on Kellogg’s Froot Loops, an extraordinarily sweet cereal in the shape of small rings (or loops), whose rhyming name was chosen to suggest, mendaciously, that the rings are made from fruit, or at least fruit juice — but in a spelling that avoids making such a claim explicitly; the spelling is not merely orthographically playful (as commercial names often are), but deliberately misleading.

Meanwhile, fruit loop came to have at least two slang senses, both distinctly North American and, apparently, neither current before (roughly) 1950: ‘a crazy or foolish person’; and, incorporating the slang slur fruit for a gay man, ‘locker loop’ (a feature of certain men’s shirts, also known slurringly as fag tag or fairy loop).

That discussion will lead tangentially to another informal use of fruit, in fruit machine, BrE corresponding to AmE slot machine.

fruit loop ‘a crazy’. This one takes off from the cereal. From NOAD2:

North American informal   A crazy or foolish person. Origin 1970s: from Froot Loops, trademark for a breakfast cereal.

In combination with an allusion to the slang adjective loopy. Again from NOAD2:

informal   crazy or silly: the author comes across as a bit loopy.

Not in the OED, but Green’s Dictionary of Slang has it (from Scot. loopy ‘cunning’) as orig. Naut. ‘eccentric, crazy’, with a first cite from 1921.

Locker loops and Ivy League shirts. On to some chapters in the history of men’s clothing that aren’t so easy to make out. A locker loop is a loop at the base of the yoke — a section of fabric in the upper part of the back behind the neck and over the shoulders (hang on, there will be pictures) — on an American dress shirt. The loop is intended to hang onto the lower piece of a coat hook in a locker, freeing that piece up for hanging other pieces of clothing on it:

(#1)

(Commenters on locker loops sometimes point out that it’s much better for shirts to hang on proper hangers — but many lockers can’t accommodate hangers.)

A home-sewn dress shirt with a locker loop on the back:

(#2)

I haven’t found a thing about when locker loops first appeared on men’s shirts.

But locker loops are part of a package that I’ll call the Ivy League shirt, since it seems to have appeared as standard dress for college men in the Ivy League (me included) in the 1950s, where it was dressy but also casual (not usually worn with a tie). The Ivy League shirt is a button-down collar (not spread collar) shirt made of Oxford cloth, prototypically blue, with a box pleat and a locker loop on the back:

(#3)

The shirt went along with chinos (jeans were not yet acceptable parts of the costume) and brown loafers. After all these years, the costume remains as standard casual business dress in many settings; I see men so dressed all over the place here in Silicon Valley (except that the shirts and pants are now permanent-press, which they certainly weren’t then).

Note 1: Oxford cloth. From Wikipedia:

Oxford is a type of woven dress shirt fabric [originally in cotton], employed to make a particular casual-to-formal cloth in Oxford shirts. The Oxford weave has a basketweave structure and a lustrous aspect making it a popular fabric for a dress shirt.

Note 2: button-down collars. From Wikipedia:

Button-down collars [vs. spread collars] have points fastened down by buttons on the front of the shirt [with a third button on the back of the collar]. Introduced by Brooks Brothers in 1896, they were patterned after the shirts of polo players and were used exclusively on sports shirts until the 1950s in America.

And so we get the Ivy League shirt of my young adulthood, which then diffused to adolescents (on a path I know little about), where they still carried class associations — possibly the result of mothers buying Ivy League shirts for their sons in middle school and high school, as “nice” and “classy”. (The shirt in #2 seems to have been sewn by a mother for her son. The locker loop is its only Ivy-League feature: it’s not Oxford cloth, not button-down, not blue, and it lacks the box pleats.)

(I used to have a pile of Ivy League shirts. The dress shirts in my closet now are not Oxford cloth and have neither box pleats nor locker loops.)

For the next development, the class associations of Ivy League shirts seem to have been important: they were apparently seen by many kids as “snooty” and “fancy”, not “regular-guy” wear, hence potentially as faggy. This resulted in a kind of adolescent gay-denial assault (starting in the 1950s but continuing at least into the 1990s) on the most peculiar feature of the shirts, their locker loops. Boys “taught a lesson to” other boys by ripping the loops off, and tried to protect themselves from accusations of homosexuality by cutting them off on their own clothes — actions that seem to have distressed quite a few mothers.

The linguistic assault on locker loops. From a poster to Straight Dope in 2006:

Back in the 70″s in high school we gleefully tore off the cloth loops from the yoke of guys’ dress shirts. They were impolitely called fruit loops.

Another poster recalled the name from the 50s and 60s. From still another:

In high school in the late 90’s, several young teens (mostly male) referred to them as “fag tags”, which would basically be the same intent as fruit loop.

Still another: “We called ’em fag tags in the ’60s as well” and still another: “Southeastern Massachusetts, 1960s, fairy loops”.

So, a pile-up of sexuality insults: fruit, fairy, fag. Fag I’ve looked at before on this blog, at some length, and (more briefly) fairy as well, but I think fruit is new here (not that it’s not long familiar to me). More on it shortly. But first a note about timing: what do Froot Loops and homophobic fruit loops have to do with one another?

The short answer would appear to be: at least in the early days, nothing at all: the cereal name (which is entirely explicable as a combination of a modified spelling for fruit and the rhyming loops ‘rings, circles’) appeared in 1962, and early reports of homophobic fruit loops go back to the 1950s. Unfortunately, people’s recollections of what they said at certain times in the past are famously unreliable; they need to be backed up by actual attestations (in their cultural context).

In this case, I’m inclined to believe that the homophobic label is an indeendent innovation of a rhyming expression combining the existing slur fruit with loop referring to the object by virtue of its appearance and possibly building on locker loop. (Compare homophobic fag tag.) But then its use would eventually be facilitated and reinforced by the cereal name.

The slur fruit. An overview from Wikipedia:

Fruit and fruitcake, as well as many variations, are slang or even sexual slang terms which have various origins but modern usage tend to primarily refer to gay men and sometimes other LGBT people. Usually used as pejoratives, the terms have also been re-appropriated as insider terms of endearment within LGBT communities. Many modern pop culture references within the gay nightlife like “Fruit Machine” and “Fruit Packers” have been appropriated for reclaiming usage, similar to queer and dyke.

… In Polari [orig. 19th century British gay slang], fruit means queen, which at the time and still today is a term for gay men and can be used positively or negatively depending on the speaker, usage and intent.

Several origins of the word fruit being used to describe gay men are possible, and most stem from the linguistic concepts of insulting a man by comparing him to or calling him a woman [especially via the sense ‘prostitute’].

(Contrast nutty as a fruitcake ‘really crazy’, which has fruitcake in it because fruicakes contain nuts (as well as fruits).)

OED2 takes a different view, based on criminal usage. It has fruit, glossed as ‘a dupe, an ‘easy mark’ (from 1895 on) and from it, possibly, ‘a male homosexual’ as slang (orig. U.S.), attested from 1935, in a dictionary of underworld and prison slang, with other cites from 1957, 1970, and 1971.

Gambling machines. Now for something truly tangential. From Wikipedia:

A slot machine (American English), informally fruit machine (British English), puggy (Scottish English slang), the slots (Canadian and American English), poker machine (or pokies in slang) (Australian English and New Zealand English) or simply slot (American English), is a casino gambling machine with three or more reels which spin when a button is pushed. Slot machines are also known as one-armed bandits because they were originally operated by one lever on the side of the machine as opposed to a button on the front panel, and because of their ability to leave the gamer impoverished. Many modern machines are still equipped with a legacy lever in addition to the button. A gambler strategically operating multiple machines in order to draw the highest possible profits is called a multi-armed bandit.

Slot machines include a currency detector that validates the money inserted to play. The machine pays off based on patterns of symbols visible on the front of the machine when it stops. Modern computer technology has resulted in variations on the slot machine concept. Slot machines are the most popular gambling method in casinos and constitute about 70 percent of the average US casino’s income.

Very common symbols on slot machines are in fact fruits, which is where the British slang comes from:

(#4)

(No payoff, since the three symbols don’t match.)



Sugar bombs

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Today’s Calvin and Hobbes (as usual, a re-play of a strip from some time ago):

Ah, the world of high-sugar breakfast cereals marketed to (sweets-loving) kids, visited here a week ago in a posting “Sweet nothings: candy, cereal, advertising”, with a One Big Happy cartoon on candy advertising to kids  and a report on an Observer article “Selling Sweet Nothings”, about cereal advertisements to children and to their parents.

I doubt that any cereal company would market a product so blatantly named “Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs” (however appropriate that name might be). Maybe “Chocolate Frosted Fuzzies” (suggesting girlish cuteness) or “Chocolate Frosted Torpedoes” (suggesting boyish aggressiveness).


Hillstone Restaurants and the Hillstone Group

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On the bon appétit website yesterday, a piece “Welcome to Hillstone, America’s Favorite Restaurant” by Andrew Knowlton, with the teaser:

It’s never going to win a James Beard Award. Or try to wow you with its foam experiments or ingredients you’ve never heard of. But it is the best-run, most-loved, relentlessly respected restaurant in America.

(#1)

Hillstone ribs, slaw, and fries

Hillstone Restaurant Group started in 1977 with the opening of Houston’s in Nashville. Texas-born founder George Biel, the brains and passion behind the group, began his career as a server at Steak and Ale. “Why the name Houston’s?” [an interviewer] asked. George simply liked the ring of it, not to mention the city’s pioneering reputation at the time as home to NASA and big oil, I told her. When Houston’s debuted, I argued, it identified and then filled a void in the American dining scene. It wasn’t fast-food burgers, but it wasn’t fancy European-style dining, either. Whether Biel knew it or not, he was defining a uniquely American style of eating out that was unpretentious yet discerning. “And how many places do they have now?” she asked skeptically. “Forty-eight restaurants under 15 names in 15 states,” I said. That didn’t help my case. I made one last pitch by explaining that what Ralph Lauren is to American fashion — approachable, reliable, and nostalgic but forward-thinking — George Biel and the Hillstone Group are to American restaurants.

The name thing makes it hard to figure out if the Hillstone Group has a restaurant near you; the company is constantly changing names, especially to create more locally-named restaurants (in part to avert ordinances and laws having to do with chains), and these locally-named places don’t necessarily share the Hillstone menu and style. But there’s a Hillstone Restaurant in San Francisco (still with that name), at 1800 Montgomery St. And the Los Altos Grill (233 3rd. St. in Los Altos), not far south of where I live, is in the Group. Past that, I’m not sure what’s in the neighborhood. Some more history, from Wikipedia:

Houston’s Restaurant is an upscale American casual dining restaurant chain, owned by Hillstone Restaurant Group, whose main corporate headquarters is based in Beverly Hills, California. There are 19 Houston’s locations in 10 states.

The first Houston’s restaurant was launched by current owner and CEO George Biel, Joe Ledbetter and Vic Bransetter in 1977 in Nashville, TN. Bransetter sold his shares in 2006, and Ledbetter in 2011, leaving George Biel sole owner of the company. The corporate company, Hillstone Restaurant Group, was founded in 1976 and owns the following restaurants: Gulfstream, Bandera, Rutherford Grill, Palm Beach Grill, Cherry Cheek Grill, Los Altos Grill, Woodmont Grill, R+D, Hillstone, South Beverly Grill, East Hampton Grill, White House Tavern, and Houston’s. As of 2015, the group owns and operates 50 restaurants under 13 different brands in the United States.

(The difference in counts — 50 restaurants under 13 names, 48 restaurants under 15 names — might just reflect counting at different times.)

In any case, Hillstone Restaurants, operating under that name, are known for offering an eclectic menu, on which sushi, ribs, and a fried chicken sandwich are all available. The bon appétit article offers recipes for eight Hillstone dishes, which range from American “plain food” carefully prepared to more exotic items that are not threatening to somewhat adventurous American palates:

Thai Steak and Noodle Salad, Jumbo Lump Crab Cakes, “The Greatest” Deviled Eggs, Ding’s Coleslaw, Spinach and Chicken Waldorf [Salad], Hawaiian Rib-Eye Steak, Iron-Skillet Cornbread, Wild Rice Salad with Corn, Blueberries, and Almonds

 


The watermelon files

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Yesterday, this startling ad from the Daily Jocks firm, specializing in premium men’s underwear from various companies — in this case, from the cheeky Australian company Supawear, offering its Fruitopia line in the color Watermelon:

(#1)

Startling, because it shows a black man in a field of watermelon slices — an image that will evoke a racist stereotype, no matter what the intentions of the creators were.

[Added a bit later, with a note of mitigation. It turns out that not only Supawear but also the Daily Jocks company itself are Australian, and Australians can hardly be expected to appreciate the peculiarities of racial history in the U.S. (I’m not sure that Canadians will see the black + watermelon problem.) You might argue that a company that markets itself so heavily in the U.S. should be aware of sociocultural sore points, but frankly I think that’s asking a lot. So I suspect that Supawear and DJ have inadvertently fallen into a sinkhole, when they merely meant to be playful, colorful, and sexy.]

My main text here  is a December 2014 piece in  Atlantic magazine by William Black, “How Watermelons Became a Racist Trope: Before its subversion in the Jim Crow era, the fruit symbolized black self-sufficiency”. The full story is full of historical twists and turns, which Black’s account treats in detail, so it’s hard for me to avoid quoting most of it here. But I’ll put some material from 20th-century black culture, including black pushback against the stereotype, early in my discussion.

Background note. Put the watermelon slices to the side for a moment. #1 still shows a handsome, barely clad  black man as an object of desire; is that racist? I don’t think so. Almost all the male models in ads for premium men’s underwear, regardless of race or ethnicity, are framed as objects of desire. It’s probably  a good sign that so many black and (especially) hispanic/latino men are featured in these ads; this is a place where these men can get good work (so long as they have hot bodies, in one or another sense of hot).

Another background note. The name Fruitopia ostensibly “merely” refers to the fruit color of the garments; apparently Watermelon is the only fruit. But the fruit here  probably also is functioning as an in-your-face use of a slur leveled at gay men.

Lead to the Atlantic piece.

It seems as if every few weeks there’s another watermelon controversy. The Boston Herald got in trouble for publishing a cartoon of the White House fence-jumper, having made his way into Obama’s bathroom, recommending watermelon-flavored toothpaste to the president. A high-school football coach in Charleston, South Carolina, was briefly fired for a bizarre post-game celebration ritual in which his team smashed a watermelon while making ape-like noises. While hosting the National Book Awards, author Daniel Handler (a.k.a. Lemony Snicket) joked about how his friend Jacqueline Woodson, who had won the young people’s literature award for her memoir Brown Girl Dreaming, was allergic to watermelon. And most recently, activists protesting the killing of Michael Brown were greeted with an ugly display while marching through Rosebud, Missouri, on their way from Ferguson to Jefferson City: malt liquor, fried chicken, a Confederate flag, and, of course, a watermelon.

While mainstream-media figures deride these instances of racism, or at least racial insensitivity, another conversation takes place on Twitter feeds and comment boards: What, many ask, does a watermelon have to do with race? What’s so offensive about liking watermelon? Don’t white people like watermelon too? Since these conversations tend to focus on the individual intent of the cartoonist, coach, or emcee, it’s all too easy to exculpate them from blame, since the racial meaning of the watermelon is so ambiguous.

But the stereotype that African Americans are excessively fond of watermelon emerged for a specific historical reason and served a specific political purpose. The trope came into full force when slaves won their emancipation during the Civil War.

Hold that emancipatory moment and skip ahead 50-70 years. There are now African-American communities in cities throughout the South, and they have their own customs, one of which is street vendors selling food — not vendors fixed in place, like modern food stands and food trucks on the street, but vendors moving through the streets (on foot, usually with a wagon, but otherwise like modern ice-cream trucks), where they can be haled by people who want to buy their wares. (Such vendors used to be common in all sorts of working-class communities, not just  African-American ones.)

African-American street vendors are well represented in the great American folk opera Porgy and Bess (set in Catfish Row, a fictional African-American community based on a neighborhood of Charleston SC, and first performed in 1935), in the “Vendor’s Trio”, with the calls of vendors selling strawberries, honey, and crabs. I’ll get back to P&B later, for several reasons, including the personal one that I haven’t been able to get the strawberry woman’s call out of my head since I first heard it, oh, maybe 60 years ago. You can watch the strawberry woman’s call here, in what I believe to be a clip from the 1959 movie of P&B, with Lynne Thigpen portraying the strawberry woman.

Stay with me here. We now move from the African-American communities of the South to their transplanted versions in the North, after the Great Migration. Customs and practices travelled with the people — which brings us to the African-American communities of Chicago, where Herbie Hancock found inspiration for his jazz standard “Watermelon Man” (first released in 1962); the watermelon man was among the street vendors of Hancock’s youth. From Wikipedia:

“Watermelon Man” is a jazz standard written by Herbie Hancock, first released on his debut album, Takin’ Off (1962).

[Its first] version was released as a grooving hard bop and featured improvisations by Freddie Hubbard and Dexter Gordon. A single of the tune reached the Top 100 of the pop charts. Cuban percussionist Mongo Santamaría released the tune as a Latin pop single the next year on Battle Records, where it became a surprise hit, reaching #10 on the pop charts. Santamaría’s recording was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame in 1998. Hancock radically re-worked the tune, combining elements of funk, for the album Head Hunters (1973).

… The form is a sixteen bar blues. Recalling the piece, Hancock said, “I remember the cry of the watermelon man making the rounds through the back streets and alleys of Chicago. The wheels of his wagon beat out the rhythm on the cobblestones.” The tune, based on a bluesy piano riff, drew on elements of R&B, soul jazz and bebop, all combined into a pop hook. Hancock joined bassist Butch Warren and drummer Billy Higgins in the rhythm section, with Freddie Hubbard on trumpet and Dexter Gordon on tenor saxophone. Hancock’s chordal work draws from the gospel tradition, while he builds his solo on repeated riffs and trilled figures.

… The tune is a jazz standard and has been recorded over two hundred times.

There’s a stunning 1991 performance by Hancock and Miles Davis that you can watch here.

Now, Hancock was surely aware of the racist history of watermelons, but what this piece primarily represents is his affectionate memory of the street life of his childhood, in a place where if you were in your neighborhood, you were free to enjoy watermelon simply as home food (even if you wouldn’t eat it within the gaze of whites — though of course there’s the option of being in-your-face uppity and flaunting your watermelon). But then the song can also be seen as an anthem to that neighborhood and its people, and a pushback against racist attitudes.

Now back to the Atlantic article, suspended at the Emancipation Proclamation, after which I’ll move to the 1970 movie Watermelon Man, definitely in-your-face. And after that, back to Porgy and Bess and the racial storms that have swirled around it for 80 years.

Free black people grew, ate, and sold watermelons, and in doing so made the fruit a symbol of their freedom. Southern whites, threatened by blacks’ newfound freedom, responded by making the fruit a symbol of black people’s perceived uncleanliness, laziness, childishness, and unwanted public presence. This racist trope then exploded in American popular culture, becoming so pervasive that its historical origin became obscure. Few Americans in 1900 would’ve guessed the stereotype was less than half a century old.

… [Watermelon tropes from the British Empire] made their way to America, but the watermelon did not yet have a racial meaning. Americans were just as likely to associate the watermelon with white Kentucky hillbillies or New Hampshire yokels as with black South Carolina slaves.

This may be surprising given how prominent watermelons were in enslaved African Americans’ lives. Slave owners often let their slaves grow and sell their own watermelons, or even let them take a day off during the summer to eat the first watermelon harvest. The slave Israel Campbell would slip a watermelon into the bottom of his cotton basket when he fell short of his daily quota, and then retrieve the melon at the end of the day and eat it. Campbell taught the trick to another slave who was often whipped for not reaching his quota, and soon the trick was widespread. When the year’s cotton fell a few bales short of what the master had figured, it simply remained “a mystery.”

But Southern whites saw their slaves’ enjoyment of watermelon as a sign of their own supposed benevolence. Slaves were usually careful to enjoy watermelon according to the code of behavior established by whites. When an Alabama overseer cut open watermelons for the slaves under his watch, he expected the children to run to get their slice. One boy, Henry Barnes, refused to run, and once he did get his piece he would run off to the slave quarters to eat out of the white people’s sight. His mother would then whip him, he remembered, “fo’ being so stubborn.” The whites wanted Barnes to play the part of the watermelon-craving, juice-dribbling pickaninny. His refusal undermined the tenuous relationship between master and slave.

Emancipation, of course, destroyed that relationship. Black people grew, ate, and sold watermelons during slavery, but now when they did so it was a threat to the racial order. To whites, it seemed now as if blacks were flaunting their newfound freedom, living off their own land, selling watermelons in the market, and — worst of all — enjoying watermelon together in the public square. One white family in Houston was devastated when their nanny Clara left their household shortly after her emancipation in 1865. Henry Evans, a young white boy to whom Clara had likely been a second mother, cried for days after she left. But when he bumped into her on the street one day, he rejected her attempt to make peace. When Clara offered him some watermelon, Henry told her that “he would not eat what free negroes ate.”

Newspapers amplified this association between the watermelon and the free black person. In 1869, Frank Leslie’s Illustrated Newspaper published perhaps the first caricature of blacks reveling in watermelon. The adjoining article explained, “The Southern negro in no particular more palpably exhibits his epicurean tastes than in his excessive fondness for watermelons. The juvenile freedman is especially intense in his partiality for that refreshing fruit.”

… The primary message of the watermelon stereotype was that black people were not ready for freedom. During the 1880 election season, Democrats accused the South Carolina state legislature, which had been majority-black during Reconstruction, of having wasted taxpayers’ money on watermelons for their own refreshment; this fiction even found its way into history textbooks. D. W. Griffith’s white-supremacist epic film The Birth of a Nation, released in 1915, included a watermelon feast in its depiction of emancipation, as corrupt northern whites encouraged the former slaves to stop working and enjoy some watermelon instead. In these racist fictions, blacks were no more deserving of freedom than were children.

[As mass-produced pianos and sheet music became popular in the late nineteenth century, so did “coon songs,” popular tunes that mocked African Americans for their lazy, shiftless, childish ways.]

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It may seem silly to attribute so much meaning to a fruit. And the truth is that there is nothing inherently racist about watermelons. But cultural symbols have the power to shape how we see our world and the people in it, such as when police officer Darren Wilson saw Michael Brown as a superhuman “demon.” These symbols have roots in real historical struggles — specifically, in the case of the watermelon, white people’s fear of the emancipated black body. Whites used the stereotype to denigrate black people — to take something they were using to further their own freedom, and make it an object of ridicule. It ultimately does not matter if someone means to offend when they tap into the racist watermelon stereotype, because the stereotype has a life of its own.

The 1970 film.

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From Wikipedia:

Watermelon Man is a 1970 American comedy-drama film, directed by Melvin Van Peebles. Written by Herman Raucher, it tells the story of an extremely bigoted 1960s era White insurance salesman named Jeff Gerber, who wakes up one morning to find that he has become Black. The premise for the film was inspired by Franz Kafka’s Metamorphosis, and by John Howard Griffin’s autobiographical Black Like Me.

Van Peebles’ only studio film, Watermelon Man was a financial success, but Van Peebles did not accept Columbia Pictures’ three-picture contract, instead developing the independent film Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song. The music for Watermelon Man, written and performed by Van Peebles, was released on a soundtrack album.

Hancock’s “Watermelon Man” plays no part in the movie.

Defiant, but with the edge taken off some by comedy. So the movie fits into a body of work by black actors and comedians  that is defiant, sometimes aggressively so, on matters of race.

Porgy and Bess. Back to the 1930s. From Wikipedia:

Porgy and Bess is an English-language opera composed in 1934 by George Gershwin, with a libretto written by DuBose Heyward and Ira Gershwin from Heyward’s novel Porgy and later play of the same title. Porgy and Bess was first performed in New York City on September 30, 1935, and featured an entire cast of classically trained African-American singers — a daring artistic choice at the time. After suffering from an initially unpopular public reception due in part to its racially charged theme, the Houston Grand Opera production of the opera in 1976 gained it new popularity, eventually becoming one of the best-known and most frequently performed operas.

Racial controversy: From the outset, the opera’s depiction of African Americans attracted controversy. Problems with the racial aspects of the opera continue to this day. Virgil Thomson, a white American composer, stated that “Folklore subjects recounted by an outsider are only valid as long as the folk in question is unable to speak for itself, which is certainly not true of the American Negro in 1935.” Duke Ellington stated “the times are here to debunk Gershwin’s lampblack Negroisms.” (Ellington’s response to the 1952 Breen revival was, however, almost completely the opposite. His telegram to the producer read: “Your Porgy and Bess the superbest, singing the gonest, acting the craziest, Gershwin the greatest.”) Several of the members of the original cast later stated that they, too, had concerns that their characters might play into a stereotype that African Americans lived in poverty, took drugs and solved their problems with their fists.

All sorts of racial issues here. Beyond the ones above: black performers on stage, in any sort of a performance, were a problem for many white audiences, because the audience was below the level of the performers; the performers were physically superior to their audience. And P&B showed a black couple in a romantic relationship, a representation that made many white audiences uncomfortable back in 1935 — and up through the days of radio and television (where black couples in love and physically demonstrative with one another were very long in coming).

Then there was the language. Here’s a quotation from an appreciative piece by Joe Nocera in the NYT in 2012 (on the occasion of a new Broadway production of P&B), as quoted in a posting of mine from 1/25/12, “A word now shunned”:

When George Gershwin’s “Porgy and Bess” — arguably the most important piece of American music written in the 20th century — first opened on Broadway in 1935, the opera’s libretto was littered with a word now shunned as an antiblack slur. The African-American residents of Catfish Row, the only slightly imaginary block in Charleston, S.C., where the opera is set, used it liberally, and so of course did the white characters during their occasional menacing visits.

Note the dual use of nigger in P&B: as a racial identifier used by black people among themselves (a usage amply exemplified in some of Richard Pryor’s stand-up routines from the 1970s and 1980s, but one that he later regretted using, at least “in public” like this), and as a slur and a threat used by whites to blacks. And note the topic of my 2012 posting, the almost comic lengths Nocera was obliged to go to by the NYT if he was going to address the question of how the word nigger is used in P&B. The paper absolutely forbids the use of the word in its pages, even in quotations (the position is that the word is so toxic that it cannot ever be uttered, for any purpose), and it tries to forbid all ostentatious avoidance strategies (like asterisking or locutions like the N-word), strategies that would easily allow a reader to identify the specific locution in question. This obliges its writers to adopt extraordinarily indirect devices for referring to the word, even when the word is itself the topic of the story — like Nocera’s sniffy eight-word phrase “a word now shunned as an antiblack slur”.


Tastee days

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Today’s Zippy:

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From the annals of snowclones, commercial icons in contestation, commercial names, and advertising run amok.

Snowclones. In the title: “He put the eff in the tee”. Eff (for Freez) and Tee (for Tastee) were Tastee-Freez’s ad mascots back in the 1950s (more on this below).

Meanwhile, the title is an (erratic) instance of a well-known snowclone, Put the X in Y (put the fun in fundraising, put the ass in fantastic, etc.). Discussion in Language Log by Geoff Pullum on 1/25/04, by Mark Liberman on 3/19/04.

Commercial icons in contestation. The grotesque Tee (never a widespread icon) above sees himself in opposition to (the much more widespread) Bob’s Big Boy (discussion of him on this blog on 10/12/12). Soft serve vs. burgers, with the burgers winning. Tee thinks Big Boy is out to destroy him.

Some backstory. From Wikipedia (warning: the article uses the verb immortalize in a non-standard extended sense):

Tastee-Freez is a soft serve ice cream frozen dessert product served at 350 locations at Wienerschnitzel and Original Hamburger fast food chains and also franchised chain of 50 fast-food restaurants. Its corporate headquarters is based in Newport Beach, California and has stores in 22 of the United States, with most of its freestanding stores located in Virginia, Illinois and Maryland. The first Tastee-Freez was established in … Illinois [in 1950].

… Tastee-Freez was immortalized by John Mellencamp (then performing as “John Cougar”) in his song, Jack & Diane, from the 1982 album American Fool. “Suckin’ on a chili dog outside the Tastee Freez; Diane’s sittin’ on Jacky’s lap, he’s got his hands between her knees.”

Tastee Freez was also immortalized by Cheech And Chong in their skit Waiting for Dave, from their 1971 first self-titled album. Head on straight north to you come to the Tastee Freez; make a right and go 97 miles straight…

S. E. Hinton immortalized Tastee Freez in her classic novel The Outsiders, chapter 7. Ponyboy and Two-Bit stop at one on their way to the hospital to visit Johnny and Dally. “We stopped at the Tastee Freez to buy Cokes and rest up, and the blue Mustang that had been trailing us for eight blocks pulled in.” It is portrayed in scene 20 of the movie The Outsiders directed by Francis Ford Coppola.

Tastee-Freezes come in many forms, from basic burger-shack buildings up to what are clearly repurposed Howard Johnson’s restaurants. Somewhere in the middle, this place in Perris CA:

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Commercial names: avoiding ice cream. Ordinary people think of soft-serve / soft serve as just a kind of ice cream: soft-serve ice cream, if you need to be specific. The companies that make the stuff are mostly much more cautious about naming their product, because of legal restrictions (in various jurisdictions) as to what can be labeled ice cream (it’s a dairy industry thing): not enough milk-fat (less fat, more air).

So the names of the firms and their products generally avoid ice cream, though dairy is ok, and of course freez(e) and the truncated soft serve. The first two firms: Carvel and Dairy Queen. Then, in no particular order: Dole Soft Serve, Chloe’s Soft Serve Fruit, Tastee-Freez, Foster’s Freeze.

It seems that soft-serve ice cream is incredibly popular in Singapore, to the extent that there is actually a posting (of 2/19/15) on The Smart Local, Singapore site with “12 Best Soft Serve Ice Creams in Singapore”. The names:

Sunday Folks, Tsujiri Tea House (green tea soft serve!), Milkcow, IKEA (yes, the Swedish emporium), Mr Bean, McDonald’s (yes, the American fast-food place), Come-in Hokkaido, Oyogei Taiyaki, Godiva (scandalously rich), Saint Marc Cafe, Danmi Soft, Honeycomb

Advertising run amok. On the Roadside America site, on the “Tastee-Freez Twins”:

This mystery started with a photograph that had bumped around in roadsideamerica.com’s “miscellaneous scans” folder since 1996. Mike snapped it on a cross-country trip, but we had trouble placing exactly where.

We called him the Goon in a Top Hat. He was obviously naked, sans genitals, though quite pleased with himself. The gagging tongue and bulbous eyes only added to the disturbing Goon- style hospitality. His hat might be made from an old oil drum, but it was hard to tell.

In 2002, Smiler Dean Jeffrey sent us his own record of the Goon, washed out after six more years of weather and wear… “Looks like it’s about four feet tall and was probably some kind of advertising at some point. It’s at Donnie’s Corvette Specialists on Route 301 in Kenly, NC.”

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Dean stumbled onto another goon in Raleigh December 2004: “I was out taking a walk, right in my own neighborhood, when I saw another one of those statues, in a neighbor’s backyard. The nice folks who live there told me they had gotten him at a Tastee-Freez in the ’60s — he rode home in the back seat of their brand new 1965 Mustang convertible.”

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“I did a little poking around online and found out that in the ’50s, Tastee-Freez had a couple of mascots called Tee and Eff. They were naked and had globs of ice cream topping on their heads (strawberry for Tee, the female, and chocolate for Eff, the male.) In 1957, they were featured in six issues of a Tastee-Freez comic book, similar to the Big Boy comics put out by Shoney’s. They also appeared in ads and on napkins, cups, and other packaging.

“I think the one down in Kenly is Tee, and the one here in Raleigh is Eff (although he’s obviously been repainted a few times, even having clothes painted on him at some point.).”

Tee and Eff were also marketed as a pair of salt and pepper shakers (both looking chocolatey and female:

(#5)

Ah, then, the comic books. Here’s one:

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Among the other comic books were Caspar the Ghost, Rags Rabbit, Sad Sack, Little Dot, and Mazie, some essentially unknown these days.

[Added the next day, the next Zippy, with more Tastee-Freez elf:

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The Goon in the Top Hat, with a political connection.]


Magnitude boys

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(Ok, men’s bodies and some suggestive verse, but nothing really X-rated. And there’s even a bit of language stuff.)

The most recent Daily Jocks ad, with an accompanying on-line ad (and my caption):

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His name was McTrim,
And he called himself Tim,
But everyone knew him as Pansy.

Now he and his man, who called himself Stan.
Were in the back room making whoopee, when
Their buddy broke in, grinning a grin, growling
Move over boys, Daddy needs nookie!

(Ok, a take-off on Lennon & McCartney’s Rocky Raccoon. And yes, I’ve messed with the line divisions, while preserving the rhymes, including my half-rhyme whoopee – nookie, which introduces the item nookie, for another posting.)

On this blog,  a piece on 7/11/13:, “Steve Grand, DNA, Timoteo”: American designer Timoteo Ocampo and his men’s fashion line Timoteo.

And then the advertising copy. Two from DJ and the Timoteo firm:

New Release from Timoteo – Magnitude: Step up your game with the latest collection from Timoteo – Magnitude. Enjoy a thick waistband, roomy pouch and bold styling you expect from Los Angeles based brand Timoteo. Available in all sizes and in Jock, Trunk, Brief and Jock Brief.

[Magnitude wear comes in Blue/Red (with the blue stripe down the dickline, as above), and White/Blue] Timoteo underwear, swimwear and sportswear has grown into an internationally recognised menswear brand. As the founder of CellBlock13, the fashion company is a go-to-brand around the globe for stylish men. Known for their exceptional fit, quality and cutting-edge designs, you’ll find something for you whether you’re a football, rugby or grand prix fan. Timoteo is inspired by American Sports and Athletics culture and designed in their LA studio. Search for Timoteo swimwear, sportswear or underwear today.

Just savor their products above. And enjoy the attention paid to the models’ crotches.

Lots more on nookie in a forthcoming posting.


The masturbation sleeve

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(The subject line should warn readers about the content to follow. There will be linguistics, and also music, but there’s no denying the sexual content, which might make some readers uncomfortable.)

Yesterday, in talking about a comic in the first issue of the publication Meatmen, I noted that in this strip,

blow jobs (by mouth or Accu-Jac) and hand jobs abound

referring to an electrically-operated male masturbation device, via a trade name variously spelled (here, I used the spelling most familiar to me, but it seems that the trade name is, or at least was, Accujac). Much to talk about here — male masturbation devices, spellings, the name Accujac, the expression jack off, the noun orifice, and more. But, in recognition of recent events, I’ll start with Prince.

Prince and jacking off. The cover of Controversy (1981), an album with both “Sexuality” and “Jack U Off” on it:

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(Personal note: This album was my first experience of Prince, in the summer of 1984. Electrifying. Specifically, it started with “Jack U Off” on the radio (while I was visiting at Stanford), and then I got the album, and then Purple Rain, and a lot more.)

A snippet from “Sexuality”:

We live in a world overrun by tourists
Tourists, 89 flowers on their back
Inventors of the Accu-Jack

(Spelling from one lyrics source; others have different spellings.)

As I read Prince, he’s dissing people who live in this world as tourists rather than engaged participants — wearing gaudy flowered shirts from a shop rather than actually taking part in the culture, and getting off second-hand, through the medium of a penis pump (essentially a suction device for milking semen from a man — or a bull or a stallion or whatever), rather than by human contact, even with your own friendly hand).

You can watch a performance here.

On the other hand, you can’t miss the theme of “Jack U Off” (the final track on Controversy). The song is in fact addressed to a woman, though that can be concealed in performance. You can watch Prince performing the song  here. There’s a gay male cover by Pansy Division, from Pile Up (1995), which you can listen to here. Some discussion on this blog in “Serving the penis” from 7/5/15, with a link to more substantial discussion in “Blowjob, handjob” on AZBlogX.

The brief line on Prince from Wikipedia:

Prince Rogers Nelson (June 7, 1958 – April 21, 2016), known as Prince, was an American singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, record producer, and actor. He was a musical innovator and known for his eclectic work, flamboyant stage presence, extravagant dress and makeup, and wide vocal range. His music integrates a wide variety of styles, including funk, rock, R&B, soul, psychedelia, and pop.

Male masturbation devices. The basic masturbation device used by a man (on himslf or another person) is the human hand, perhaps with some lubrication (saliva or a longer-lasting natural or commercial substance).

One step away from this direct contact is the masturbation sleeve, which can take many forms, all involving a soft tube of some kind that can slide over the penis to approximate a partner’s sexual orifice: mouth, anus, or vagina. One best best-seller in this department is the Fleshjack (also marketed as Flesh-Jack), which I wrote about here on 1/26/10 in “What’s P your N?” (taking off on the ad slogan “What’s in YOUR wallet?”):

The Fleshjack website describes this “ultimate gay sex toy”:

The Fleshjack contains an interchangeable masturbation sleeve encased in a sleek, durable plastic container. The masturbation sleeve is made from a patented material called SuperSkin™, which replicates the sensation of penetrative sex. The sleeves come in a variety of inner textures to further enhance your sexual experience.

The ad where I first came across this object shows a beefy guy wielding his Fleshjack with intense concentration (of the sort that people fully engaged in sexual activity are inclined to exhibit), along with that question, which I assume is to be read as “what’s on YOUR dick?”, implicating that if it’s anything other than a Fleshjack — your hand, for instance — it’s inferior to it, so you should upgrade to a Fleshjack.

Two crucial pieces to the Fleshjack: the sleeve, of course, but also the orifice, for inserting the penis into the sleeve. The orifices are designed to play into the user’s fantasies about sex: oral (resembling lips, providing entry into a mouth), anal (resembling buttocks, providing entry into an anus), and vaginal (resembling a vulva, providing entry into a vagina). Here’s an Endurance Jack designed for gay male users:

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The company’s ad copy:

Practice makes perfect, especially in the bedroom. The Endurance Jack was specifically designed to replicate the intense sensations of intercourse, which can help users increase sexual stamina, improve performance and techniques, and heighten and intensify orgasms. $69.95

That’s one expensive wank.

(The company has a stable of gay pornstars to market products like #2.)

A note on orifice. Yes, you can get a Fleshjack with an oral orifice, and that’s not a redundancy. From NOAD2 on orifice:

an opening, as of a pipe or tube, or one in the body, such as a nostril or the anus. ORIGIN late Middle English: from French, from late Latin orificium, from os, or– ‘mouth’ + facere ‘make.’

So orifice is metaphorical, like mouth in the mouth of the river, and is now psychologically disconnected from literal mouths. As a result, if you can have a vaginal orifice and an anal orifice, you’ll need to refer to a mouth-like orifice as an oral orifice.

The electrical device. The final step is to give up stroking your penis with a hand (directly or on a masturbation sleeve), and cede control to a device that will do the stroking for you, through the miracle of electricity, with a masturbation sleeve connected to an electrically operated sucking pump.

(Personal note: most masturbation sleeves don’t appeal to me, and the Fleshjack strikes me as really silly, as well as absurdly expensive, but the attractions of an automated penis milking machine are completely beyond me.)

The first penis milking device on the market was apparently the one I mentioned in yesterday’s posting and Prince referred to in “Sexuality”, marketed under the name Accujac — a name that seems to be a portmanteau of accurate (alluding to control) and the jack of jack off.

A note on spelling. There are many versions of the name. Some are hyphenated, some spelled solid. All have two parts, and the first part is always capitalized, but the second part can be capitalized or not. The first part is usually spelled ACCU (as in accurate), but sometimes ACU (which has, for me, unfortunate associations with the acu- of acupuncture, originally meaning ‘with a needle’ — ouch!); the second part is spelled either JACK in full or fashionably shortened to JAC.

Of the 16 possible spellings, then, Accujac is spelled (a) solid, (b) with no cap on the second part, and with parts (c) ACCU and (d) JAC.

The actual device. The Accujac seems to have rapidly receded into history. I dimly recall having seen videos of the thing in operation about 20 years ago, but now it’s passé. Apparently the earliest versions were single-speed, but quickly variable-speed took over.

The successor to the Accujac was the Robojac, with a somewhat more satisfactory name, with robo for robot(ic), as in robocall and robocop. The Robojac is still being marketed by the Funways Marketing Group, with this pitch:

Manufacturer of the Robojac: The most popular, best selling hands free masturbation system ever.

Adjust suction and stroke length according to your own individual preference. Control speed and motion of the sleeve to suit your individual mood.

This miracle of engineering operates by creating alternating air flows of suction and pressure to move a soft, pliant, translucent massaging sleeve up and down the length of an erect penis.The Robojac Standard Model has plenty of power and can drive a variety of attachmentsfor a wide range of massaging sensations and provide the ultimate in personal gratification.

If you have tried other types of masturbation devices, then you know they all have one thing in common, they must all be manipulated by hand. The Robojac solves this problem by providing you automatic stroking action that works hands free in any position and stays on without the use of harnesses or straps.

Robojac Standard Starter System – Only $529.00

Only $529!

A thumbnail of the starter system, featuring the sleeve:

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Lots of pump hardware there.

A competitor to the Robojac is the Venus 2000, now (apparently) marketed as the Venus for Men. The brief copy:

Venus for Men [by Sybian] is a high-tech, hands-free stroking masturbation machine. It’s durable, portable and quiet design allow the user to adjust the stroke length and stroke speed from 8 to 300 strokes per minute. $956.00

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It looks more compact than the Robojac, and claims to be easily portable. It also claims to be quiet, though some users of both the Robojac and the Venus have complained about the machines’ noise. Well, they’re pumps.

So now, for a mere grand, you can sit back on the bus for the Magical Masturbatory Tour and have your ejaculation come to you.


Annals of advertising: the Slack animals

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(About advertising and life in Silicon Valley.)

Lunch yesterday with a techie friend I’ll call Paul at a Palo Alto restaurant with lots of Silicon Valley types in it, including a long table with a work group of engineers at it (diverse in a large number of ways).

Silicon Valley types come in two varieties: manager types, dressed in one form or another of business clothes (usually some version of business casual), and engineer types, otherwise dressed. The engineer types tend to come in two distinct varieties, which I’ll distinguish here by the neutral labels  A and B. A engineers tend to be young, intense, and playful, given to long burst of work, often at odd hours, with breaks for various kinds of play (including things like ping pong and foosball on the job). B engineers tend to be older (and often have families), working with steady focus for regular hours.

Paul, a B type, went on to talk about Silicon Valley companies, along the way mentioning Slack, a company I’d never even heard of until I saw a tv commercial for it that very morning. Paul was astonished that Slack was advertising on tv, but advertising it was, and very entertainingly.

The cast of characters:

(You can watch the whole commercial on the TechCrunch website here.)

On the TechCrunch website on 12/30/15, “Slack’s New TV Commercial Is Adorable And Effective” by Drew Olanoff:

[Overview: Slack [based in S.F.], previously known as Tiny Speck, is a company started by Stewart Butterfield, who previously started Flickr. Their first product was Glitch, a Flash-based massively multiplayer online game. After shutting down Glitch, Tiny Speck launched Slack in August 2013.]

If you’re in the tech world, then you know exactly what Slack is and does. As you eke outside of our little techosphere, however, you might get some puzzled faces when you talk about your favorite work communication tool.

To that end, the company debuted two new TV commercial which are quite adorable, and one is called “Animals!” Yes, there are animals in it. The spots were done with the help of Giant Ant (the spaceship commercial) and Smith & Foulkes at Nexus (the animals).

There are quite a bit of nuances to Slack, and this particular commercial does a really great job at illustrating them. It also puts the company culture on display. Animals always help keep people’s attention, too.

The next time someone asks you what you mean when you talk about your team hopping into Slack to discuss an issue, just send them this link and they’ll get it right away. The company is poised for a massively successful 2016, and is probably the most popular and beloved “enterprise” service we’ve ever witnessed.

Oh, and I’m waiting for my flying umbrella, Stewart.



A fine commercial portmanteau

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This week’s excellent potmanteau: Armachillo clothing from Duluth Trading Co.: ARMADILLO (for its tough protective scales) + CHILL (for cooling ability), with CHILL put iside ARMADILLO (ARMA – DILL – O), replacing the rhyming DILL. Pretty much immediately understandable, and entertaining as well:

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(Note the graphic highlighting of the CHILL inside ARMADILLO.)

The company on this website, in “The revolution in men’s underwear” of 11/28/15, about premium brands and luxury brands, plus:

A different marketing strategy. While most menswear has moved in the direction of style, fashion, and sexiness, one firm, the Duluth Trading Company, has gone for a marketing strategy that elaborately pushes working-class masculinity, with pants (that is, trousers) claimed to be super-durable (even a grizzly bear couldn’t take them on), and the like.

In addition to the working-class persona the company adopts, it’s also very playful, as in its tv commercials for the Armachillo products. You can watch commercials for men’s shirts here and for men’s underwear here. There are clothes for women as well; this site shows what Armachillowear is available. The stills for things like the “men’s Armachillo cooling short boxer briefs” —

  (#2)

— have seriously stuffed pouches.

Finally, a note on sandwich portmanteaus like Armachillo. From my 4/11/12 posting “Sandwich portmanteaus: lepicdary”:

In a sandwich portmanteau, one contributor is put inside the other, replacing some medial material in the second: L – EPIC – DARY has EPIC inserted within L – EGEN – DARY, replacing the EGEN of LEGENDARY.

LEPICDARY is a dubious portmanteau at best, not at all easy to understand right off the bat. ARMACHILLO, on the other hand, is portmangold.

 

 


Ho Ho trees, Ho Ho logs

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Today’s Zippy takes us to the Hostess Snack Forest, where we can stand in awe of the giant chocolate cylinders filled with white creamy delight:

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Let’s just register the impressive phallicity of the Hostess Ho Ho and move on to other things.

From Wikipedia:

Ho Hos are small, cylindrical, frosted, cream-filled [in the U.S., creme-filled] chocolate snack cakes with a pinwheel design based on the Swiss roll. Made by Hostess Brands, they are similar to Yodels by Drake’s and Swiss Rolls by Little Debbie.

Sold two or three per package, they contain about 120 calories per roll.

The product is also produced in Canada by Vachon Inc., which holds its Canadian rights.

A San Francisco bakery created the first Ho Hos in 1920.

“Happy Ho Ho” was created in the 1970s and was the original cartoon mascot for Ho Hos. The mascot appeared on the boxes, ads, and television commercials for many years before he was discontinued. The character wore an outfit similar to that of Robin Hood, including a feathered cap.

The foodstuff in its near-immortal splendor (it keeps almost forever on grocery story shelves):

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And Happy Ho Ho cavorting (forest not pictured):

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A note on cream and creme. In the US generally, and in certain dairy states quite stringently, foodstuffs cannot be advertised as containing cream unless they actually have significant amounts of real dairy cream. There is no such stricture most other places, which is how we get to British salad cream (so called), which never had any cream in it; the name is entirely metaphorical. From Wikipedia:

Salad cream is a creamy, pale yellow condiment based on an emulsion of about 25–50 percent oil in water, emulsified by egg yolk and acidulated by spirit vinegar. It may include other ingredients such as sugar, mustard, salt, thickener, spices, flavouring and colouring. It was introduced in the United Kingdom in the 1920s, where it is used as a salad dressing and a sandwich spread. Due to the higher cost of ingredients during periods of rationing in the United Kingdom a flavour similar to mayonnaise was achieved in the creation of salad cream.

Various companies (including Heinz) market salad cream under that name in the U.S., so the restrictions on the word cream seem not to extend to the salad dressing.

Salad cream is made not with olive oil (as in mayonnaise), but some cheaper, less flavorful oil, like canola, and in my brief, appalled, experience with the stuff in Britain (England, Scotland, and Wales), is distressingly sweet, salty, and thick with gluey corn starch. It gets its creamy color from a bit of mustard.

 


Schmitts Gay Beer

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Caught on a best-of-SNL feature on VH-1 today, the truly fine parody skit “Schmitts Gay” from season 17, 1991, of Saturday Night Live, with Chris Farley and Adam Sandler as two gay housesitters who discover that the house is a Schmitts Gay Beer site, complete with a pool containing a crew of hunky gay men for their pleasure. The housesitters, astonished when the hunks appear:

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and the inevitable beer commercial:

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A send-up of beer commercials that exploit sexy chicks to sell beer to men.

The visual style of the Schmitts label mimics a Budweiser label —

(#3)

but the name mimics the name of Schlitz Beer.

(The beer name is apostropheless, but is often cited with an apostrophe.)

You can watch the skit here. A transcript:

Housesitter #1…..Chris Farley, Housesitter #2…..Adam Sandler

[ open on two Housesitters entering dingy-looking house ]

Housesitter #1: [ disgusted ] This is a great housesitting job you found.. this place is a dump!

Housesitter #2: Just wait’ll you see the pool.

[ they reach the pool, whch is dirty and empty ]

Housesitter #1: [ further disgusted ] No water!

[ Housesitter #2 grins slyly, then turns a faucet on and fills the pool. Dirty water starts to drip from the pipe, but suddenly the dirty pool is transformed into a sparkling paradise, as five heavily-pumped gay men rise from the water. ]

Guy In Pool: You two look like you need to get wet!

Housesitters: [ looking up to the heavens ] Thank you!

[ flash on Schmitt’s Gay logo on the front of a bottle ]

[ intercut shots of crotch areas of the gay men, as the Housesitters scream excitedly ]

[ various scenes of the Housesitters engaged in activities with the gay pool guys are seen – drinking, videotaping, doing the congo, etc. ]

Announcer: If you’ve got a big thirst, and you’re gay, reach for a cold, tall bottle of Schmitt’s Gay.

[ cut to Housesitters massaging the pool guys ]

Housesitter #1: I think I’m gonna like housesitting..

Housesitter #2: Uh.. yeah!

[ fade ]

Oh my, 25 years ago.


Name play in Basingstoke

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From my English correspondent RJP, this tradeperson’s van, photographed on the street:

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Flat Boy Skim is a bit of complex name play on Fatboy Slim. Well, you have to know who Fatboy Slim is, something many people do not. And then: what might Flat Boy Skim have to do with plastering? For that, you have to know something about the technical jargon of plastering (which I did not, until I looked it up; well, I correctly noted that a good plastering job should be flat — smooth — and I assumed that boy was just there for the name play, but skim was a mystery).

Fatboy Slim. From Wikipedia:

Norman Quentin Cook (born Quentin Leo Cook on 31 July 1963), also known by his stage name Fatboy Slim, is an English DJ, musician and record producer/mixer.

… Cook adopted the Fatboy Slim moniker in 1996 and released Better Living Through Chemistry to critical acclaim [that year].

(#2)

The man in 2004

We can speculate about where the name came from (and maybe Cook has said somewhere, but I haven’t seen it): my guess is a combination of Memphis Slim and the names of the two US atomic bombs (Little Boy at Hiroshima, Fat Man at Nagasaki). On Memphis Slim, from Wikipedia:

Memphis Slim (September 3, 1915 – February 24, 1988) was an American blues pianist, singer, and composer. He led a series of bands that, reflecting the popular appeal of jump blues, included saxophones, bass, drums, and piano. A song he first cut in 1947, “Every Day I Have the Blues”, has become a blues standard, recorded by many other artists.

Skim coat plastering. That’s the plasterers’ jargon skim coat, which has been around for over a hundred years:

OED2 draft addition 1993, under n. skim, related to v. skim ‘to cover with a thin layer’: Plastering = setting coat (a thin finishing coat of plaster), attested from 1895 on

Here’s US tv handyman Bob Vila on some of the technical details: “Learn everything you need to know about skim-coating a plaster wall”:

Traditional plastering consists of three separate coats of plaster. The first two, called the brown and scratch coats, are coarse, often with sand, horsehair, and other binders added to the mix. The third or finish coat is a smoother blend, made of water and finely ground lime and plaster.

The three-coat method, which requires strips of wood or metal lath for reinforcement, is relatively rare today. The advantages remain, as it’s durable, adds significantly to soundproofing, and, in the opinion of many people, has more character. Yet because it is both labor- and material-intensive, it can be prohibitively expensive.

There is, however, a middle ground between three-coat plastering and simply taping and coating the seams between sheets of wallboard. The skim-coat approach, which involves the application of a single, eighth-inch-thick layer of plaster over the entire wall or ceiling surface, is a compromise, offering something of the character and quality of real plaster with the economy and speed of wallboard.

Skim coating requires some skill with a trowel

In any case, the point is to end up with a flat, smooth surface. So a guy who plasters for a living can advertise himself as Flat Boy Skim — as this fellow in Basingstoke, Hampshire, does.

 


Cross-commercial fertilization

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Currently running the rounds on American television, a Progressive Insurance ad (featuring the company’s spokesperson Flo) into which a giant humanoid pitcher of some colored drink intrudes, by crashing through the wall:

This is funny as slapstick, but (like so many cartoons and comics) is much funnier if you recognize the characters involved and their backgrounds — especially, the humanoid pitcher.

You can watch the whole commercial here, on a site that has this description of the ad:

A woman is showing Flo her lovely home when, suddenly, the Kool-Aid Man comes bursting though the wall of the living room. He’s a little more destructive than the average husband, but Flo looks on the bright side of bundling their home and auto insurance through Progressive.

This identifies the humanoid pitcher: the Kool-Aid Man, the mascot for the sweet flavored drink Kool-Aid (marketed primarily to children; when I was a kid, we called it bug juice, on the kid theory that it was made by smashing up bugs). Kool-Aid Man we have seen on ths blog before, in “Non-sequitur” of 10/18/13:

Kool-Aid Man is the mascot for Kool-Aid, a brand of flavored drink mix. The character has appeared on television and print advertising as a fun-loving gigantic pitcher, filled with red Kool-Aid and marked with a smiley face. He is typically featured answering the call of children by smashing through walls and furnishings, holding a pitcher filled with Kool-Aid. (Wikipedia)

Ah, the wall-smashing is just something that Kool-Aid Man does.


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