An experiment in earnestly healthful food: Kashi® GOLEAN® cereal (from “Kashi: The Seven Whole Grain Company”). From the back of the box:

the perfect choice to help you achieve your healthy lifestyle goals. Just one serving supplies 40% of your daily fiber needs ad 20% of your daily protein needs.

… All natural GOLEAN cereal is a lightly sweetened mix of honey toasted whole grain puffs, crispy soy protein grahams and crunchy fiber twigs.

Puffs, grahams, and twigs. On the front of the box:

Naturally Sweetened Fiber Twigs, Soy Protein Grahams and Honey Puff Cereal

Twigs, grahams, and puff cereal, the last being a variant of puffed cereal, aka puffs. All three terms are “semi-technical terms” from the world of advertising, not terms of ordinary language; twigs seems to be an outright invention in the food context, a metaphorical extension of the arboreal term. In any case, the choice of labels provides a serious tone to go along with the nutritional earnestness of the product.

Here I have to say that those however admirable those twigs, grahams, and puffs are nutritionally, they turn instantly to neutral mush when you add a liquid to them. So it’s only by amending them with more substantial ingredients, like nuts and bits of dried fruit, or adding other cereals with more body to them (granola or muesli) that they become palatable — in which case there’s not much point to the GOLEAN cereal. After two weeks in which I got through only half the box, I consigned the rest to the trash as a failed experiment.

Unlike twigs, grahams and puffs have some history in commercial and technical contexts (parallel in many ways to the cereal term flakes).

Grahams goes back to graham flour and the graham crackers made from this flour:

Graham flour is a type of whole wheat flour named after the American Presbyterian minister Rev. Sylvester Graham (1794–1851), an early advocate for dietary reform. Graham despised the discarding of nutrients and bleaching with alum and chlorine involved in making white flour and white bread, and believed that using all of the grain (without adding chemicals) in the milling of flour and baking of bread, was a remedy for the poor health of his fellow Americans during changes in diet brought on by the Industrial Revolution.

… An alternate story is told by Helen W. Atwater in her work titled Bread and the Principles of Bread Making. She claimed that Graham simply washed the entire grain, then ground it between large millstones. (Wikipedia link)

Eventually we get commercial brands of cereal with grahams treated as the plural of a count noun (referring to the cereal pieces):

Golden Grahams is a brand of breakfast cereal owned by General Mills. It consists of small toasted square-shaped cereal pieces made of whole wheat and corn. The taste is a mix of honey and brown sugar.

Golden Grahams was introduced in 1976, and the earliest TV commercials featured a jingle sung to the tune of the traditional American song “Golden Slippers”. The cereal is still widely available in Europe, USA and Canada. It is produced by General Mills.

It used to be sold in the UK in the early 2000s, until eventually being taken off the shelves because it was banned for the sugar levels it contained. In October 2010, Nestlé began producing Cinnamon and Golden Grahams in the UK again, announced on newly-created Facebook group. So far, they are only available at Tesco, Waitrose, Sainsburys, Morrisons and Asda supermarkets. In line with Nestlé’s other cereal brands, they now contain reduced sugar and are made from whole grain. (Wikipedia link)

As a side note, Golden Grahams had extensive ad campaigns with slogans playing on the name of the product; some of them listed in the Wikipedia entry:

Try those Golden Grahams and have a golden day.
You’re not just good, you’re golden.
Crammed with graham.
How do they cram in all that graham?
Not eating these would be a graham-atical error!
With ridges that rock!
Golden Grahams: So happy together.
It’s gonna be a Golden Grahams day.
Golden Grahams: Go get your own.

Some are cute, some lame.

On to puffs. The OED has puff rice ‘puffed rice’ and the like under puff used as an adjective, but lacks cites for the count noun puff, though that sage is now clearly attested.

The source for the usage is puffed grain:

Puffed grain includes ancient grains such as popcorn as well as puffed rice. Modern puffed grains are often created using high temperature, pressure, and/or extrusion.

Ingredients for puffed rice can be as simple as rice alone and with salt for taste.

… High pressure puffed grain is created by placing whole grains under high pressure with steam in a containment vessel. When the vessel’s seal is suddenly broken, the entrained steam then flashes and bloats the endosperm of the kernel, increasing its volume to many times its original size. (Wikipedia link)

The article lists the following puffable grains: amaranth, maize/corn, rice, wheat, sorghum, millet, barley, kamut, spelt, and buckwheat; plus puffable non-grains: soybeans, makhana [a fruit], and quinoa.

So we get Puffed Rice and Puffed Wheat cereals, and then Cocoa Puffs:

Cocoa Puffs® Cereal
: Go Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs®!

Since 1958, kids across America have been going “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!” Cocoa Puffs cereal is made with 12 grams of whole grain per serving and fortified with 12 vitamins and minerals, moms can feel good about having their families enjoy the rich, chocolaty taste that drives Sonny wild. (link to commercial puffery)

Later came, omigod, a chocolate peanut butter version:

Reese’s Puffs (formerly Reese’s Peanut Butter Puffs) is a breakfast cereal manufactured by General Mills. Originally consisting of Hershey’s chocolate with Reese’s peanut butter flavored corn puffs, the two flavors were later separated as individual puffs in the same cereal. The cereal is based on the original candy. The breakfast cereal was first launched in 1994. (Wikipedia link)

Meanwhile, on the healthful front, we have from Kashi, 7 Whole Grain Cereals: Puffs (“Enjoy the pure simplicity of our tasty 7 Whole Grain & Sesame blend in toasty flakes, hearty puffs, or crunchy nuggets”). Plus Kamut Puffs and Millet Puffs from the Nature’s Path firm, not to mention Malt-O-Meal Golden Puffs (puffed wheat under another name).

(Notice that nuggets has joined the other cereal-bit terms.)

Today’s Bizarro, in which two commercial icons confront one another:

That would be the young Poppin’ Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy, claiming the equally white and puffy Michelin Man as his progenitor. Who could have missed that?

From the Ball Park brand, the latest in a ad campaign going back a year, this time for Ball Park Beef Patties, in the “sofa commercial”:

“Men: easier fed than understood” is the theme of the campaign. Two issues: the truncated construction in the slogan, and the gender attitudes behind the slogan.

The truncated slogan. This has the form of a topic NP followed by a comment predicate in reduced form. So, roughly, ‘As for men, they are easier fed than understood; as for men, they are easier to feed than to understand; as for men, it is easier to feed them than to understand them’.

The format is similar to the one in “Women: can’t live with them, can’t live without them” (a quote sometimes attributed, not very plausibly, to Erasmus; Erasmus would have framed the thought in Latin, of course).

The gender attitudes. Here’s the MediaPost story from last January (1/27/12) about the ad campaign:

Ball Park: Men ‘Easier Fed Than Understood’ (by Karlene Lukovitz)

Sara Lee’s Ball Park brand is looking to appeal to the women who buy food for the men in their lives by affectionately ribbing the guys’ quirky behavior.

The tagline for Ball Park’s new campaign — its first from Publicis Seattle, which became the brand’s agency of record in June 2011 — says it all:  “Men. Easier Fed Than Understood.”

The campaign portrays humorous “guy time” moments, while also showcasing Ball Park’s expanded lines of franks. In addition to its classic franks, those lines now include Angus, 100% beef, turkey and “better for you” franks, each of which offers many varieties (such as “lite,” lower-fat, fat- free, bun-size, jumbo and deli-style).

The “guy time” moment in the Beef Patties ad has one guy accidentally dripping sauce from his burger onto the sofa between them (they’re watching football on tv), which the other guy copes with by just turning the sofa cushion over. “Nice”, the first guy says in admiration at the move.

Some men viewing this ad rail against it as sexist (against men), seeing it as the equivalent of  an ad with the message “aren’t women cute, in their air-headed etc. ways”.

Two more pieces of copy from the Ball Park site:

(1) Ball Park makes meaty, delicious food that guys love to eat when they’re hanging out with other guys, being, well, “guys.” Why do we do this? Because we believe that guy time is important, and a big part of guy time is food. Food that is juicy, handheld and easy to make. Because understanding guys might be hard, but feeding them shouldn’t be.

(2) Since the Dawn of Guys, their food has followed a few simple rules. Make it tasty. Make it fast. And it doesn’t hurt if you can cook it over a fire on a stick.

Those rules haven’t changed much over the years. But one thing has: Ball Park makes guy food a whole lot easier.

After all, understanding guys might be hard, but feeding them shouldn’t be.

Ease of preparation is a major selling point in the campaign.

Yes, gender stereotypes. But it’s hard to imagine advertising doing without stereotypes, gender stereotypes among them.

A Styx underwear ad that apparently can be found in underground stations all over Prague. Showing a gay couple in Styx underwear, advertised as a present for Valentine’s Day.

Elizabeth Daingerfield Zwicky found it on the Photoshop Disasters site, under the heading “Going against nature”, where the poster wrote:

Cuddle up with your same-sex lover all you want, but keep the grotesque bumps you call abs in the bedroom.

Pink Trunks sure looks concerned about his caramel counterpart. I suspect it has something to do with his china-doll expression and his perfectly manicured eyebrows/armhair.

Other PSD pages mock photoshopped abs and too-perfect photoshopped faces.

Styx’s big selling point is comfort. The main copy says, in Czech:

It doesn’t matter who you love… (it) depends on comfort.

Other Styx ads are sexually suggestive and playful as well. Here’s one designed as a magazine insert:

From the Ads of the World site:

Styx Underwear for men has a special character – offers a unique design that ensures that no part of the cloth will get entangled, in the middle of a man’s rear end (buttocks). We use double sided page with just one big simple close-up image: man’s bottom. When you open the magazine, you’ll just pull out (from the middle of the ass) the ordinary business card with headline: This is the only time we are getting into your ass. [McCann Erickson Prague agency]

Passed on by Peter Korn, this ad for Canon in Russia:

The slogan: Size doesn’t matter.

Of course, many gay men think otherwise.

The latest vintage men’s fashion ad, on a postcard sent to me by Max Vasilatos:

To which I’ve added the snarky sexual caption:

The four of them were
Deeply into
Polyester sex.

Previous postings with snarkily captioned vintage fashion ads were on AZBlogX because of their sexual content (and lack of linguistic interest): four here and three more here. They’re also entertaining because of their (in retrospect) regrettable clothes and remarkable hairstyles.

But this one has some linguistic interest: the trade name Crimplene, with a surprising origin. No, it has nothing to do with the verb or noun crimp:

Crimplene (polyester) is a thick yarn used to make a fabric of the same name. The resulting cloth is heavy, wrinkle-resistant and retains its shape well. Britain’s defunct ICI Fibres Laboratory developed the fibre in the early 1950s and named it after the Crimple Valley in which the company was situated. Crimplene was used in garments that required a permanently pressed look, such as skirts and trousers.

The fabric enjoyed popularity upon introduction in the 1950s in response to its convenient ‘wash-and-wear’ properties. Crimplene was often used to make the typical A-line dress of 1960s Fashion. Likewise, it was popular amongst men in British Mod Culture for use in garish button-down shirts. [See illustrations above, and note the Crimplene neckwear as well.]

In the early 1970s, Crimplene began to fall out of fashion. Other, lighter-weight polyester fabrics like Trevira replaced Crimplene for their ease of movement and ventilation. Crimplene is seldom used today as fashion-preferences have drifted towards more natural cottons.

Crimplene suits were regarded in some countries as “working-men’s going-out clothes”. (link)

On the Crimple Valley:

Crimple Valley is an area south of Harrogate (North Yorkshire) surrounding the River Crimple (also known as Crimple Beck). It gave its name to the synthetic yarn Crimplene, which was developed at the nearby ICI Laboratory. (link)

Though Crimplene has gone out of style, there’s a group of fans, almost all women as far as I can tell, who call themselves Crimplene Queens; website here.

A comment on my Crimplene posting:

Since you’ve been into ads in a big way recently, I think you’ll appreciate this one if you haven’t already seen it

It’s a Joe. My. God. column with this image, seen at the Belk department store:

Only two words in colored bottom, but there’s an issue with each of them.

(Background on the store:

Belk is a chain of American mid-range department stores chain founded in 1888 in Monroe, North Carolina, today part of the Charlotte metropolitan area. After the founding of the first Belk store, the company grew in size and influence throughout the South. (link) )

Start with bottom. From my “Active Bottoms” posting:

In the clothing business, top and bottom refer to clothes worn on the top and bottom of the body, respectively: for women, blouses or shirts vs. skirts or pants; for men, shirts vs. pants. (Shirts and pants each cover a variety of garments.)

(Big and Tall Bottoms appear in a follow-up posting.)

But then there’s the gay sexual sense, where top and bottom refer to the insertive and receptive roles, respectively, in anal intercourse. Discussion of bottoming on this blog here and here (with a great many illustrations on AZBlogX).

Then there’s colored. The store’s intention was clearly to refer to brightly colored pants/trousers. But then there’s the racial sense. Wikipedia on this usage:

Colored is a term once widely used in the United States to refer to black people (i.e., persons of sub-Saharan African ancestry; members of the black race), Brown People, Asians and Native Americans. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word colored was first used in the 14th Century.

In other English-speaking countries, the term has varied meanings. In South Africa, Namibia, Zambia and Zimbabwe, the term Coloured refers both to a specific ethnic group of complex mixed origins, which is considered neither black nor white, and in other contexts to people of mixed race; in neither context is its usage considered derogatory. In British usage, the term refers to “a person who is wholly or partly of non-white descent” and its use may be regarded as antiquated or offensive, and other terms are preferable, particularly when referring to a single ethnicity.

The term should not be confused with the more recent term people of color, which generally refers to all non-white people.

… Today colored is generally no longer regarded as a politically correct term. It lives on in the association name National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, generally called just NAACP.

In 2008 Carla Sims, communications director for the NAACP in Washington, D.C., said “the term ‘colored’ is not derogatory, [the NAACP] chose the word ‘colored’ because it was the most positive description commonly used [in 1909, when the association was founded]. It’s outdated and antiquated but not offensive.”

OED3 (Sept. 2011) is not so gentle:

Denoting a member of any dark-skinned group of peoples, esp. a person of sub-Saharan African or (in Britain) South Asian origin or descent; in earliest use [1758, 1794] with reference to South America. Now usu. considered offensive.

Coloured was adopted in the United States by emancipated slaves as a term of racial pride after the end of the American Civil War. It was rapidly replaced from the late 1960s as a self-designation by black (see note at black adj. 3a) and later by African-American, although it is retained in the name of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. In Britain it was the accepted term for black, Asian, or mixed-race people until the 1960s.

The fact is that a substantial number of my black/African American acquaintances now find the racial label colored offensive. On the other hand, for many of my white acquaintances, especially younger ones, the racial sense is now effectively obsolete, though most of them recognize that the word was once used as a racial label; that means that for them the word in the store ad unambiguously refers to hue. Presumably, the creator of the ad was such a person, and the fact that the man in the ad could be taken to be black was irrelevant to the creator.

Joe. My. God. found the ad on the copyranter part of BuzzFeed (here), with a URL labeled “Gay men of color think this ad is a riot” and the head:

Retailer Subversively Seeks Bigger Piece Of Gay Market
Or, perhaps not.

Meanwhile, you can also find ads for Black Bottoms, the clothing — for instance, here.

Yesterday it was “Scruffalicious”, with photos of 7 handsome men (in the public eye in one way or another) who sometimes appear with scruffy faces. Then it occurred to me to wonder why the portmanteau wasn’t spelled scruffilicious, with an I that would represent the Y of scruffy and also the I of delicious. Well, it turns out that this spelling occurs, but the spelling with A predominates heavily: scruffalicious with 436,000 raw ghits, scruffilicious with 69,500. And the hits scarcely overlap: scruffilicious pulls up a large number of dogs, plus hot young actors and singers; scruffalicious yields a number of older men, plus a different set of young actors, singers, and models. This presentation of the male body is very much in style, but under two different spellings.

First, four more scruffAlicious men: The King of Scruff himself, George Michael; two further men from the early days of Scruff Style, Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas in Miami Vice; and Robert Downey, Jr., who appears clean-shaven, scruffy, and with light beard and mustache, depending on the occasion.

Michael:

George Michael (born Georgios Kyriacos Panagiòtou … 25 June 1963) is an English musician, singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and record producer. Michael rose to fame in the 1980s when he formed the pop duo Wham! with his school friend, Andrew Ridgeley. His first solo single, “Careless Whisper”, was released when he was still in the duo and sold about six million copies worldwide.

As one of the world’s best-selling music artists, Michael has sold more than 100 million records worldwide as of 2010. His 1987 debut solo album, Faith, has sold more than 20 million copies worldwide and made several records and achievements in the United States. (link)

Johnson:

Donnie Wayne “Don” Johnson (born December 15, 1949)[1] is an American actor and recording artist perhaps best known for his lead role as James “Sonny” Crockett in the 1980s television series, Miami Vice. He also played the lead role in the 1990s cop series, Nash Bridges. Johnson is a Golden Globe winning actor for his role in Miami Vice, a winner of the APBA Offshore World Cup, and has received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He is also a singer, songwriter, producer, and director. (link)

Thomas:

Philip Michael Thomas (born May 26, 1949) is an American actor. Thomas’s most famous role is that of detective Ricardo Tubbs on the hit 1980s TV series Miami Vice. His first notable roles were in Coonskin (1975) and opposite Irene Cara in the 1976 film Sparkle. After his success in Miami Vice, Thomas appeared in numerous made-for-TV movies and advertisements for telephone psychic services. He served as a spokesperson for cell phone entertainment company Nextones, and supplied the voice for the character Lance Vance on the video games Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories. (link)

And Downey:

Here, Downey is on the borderline between scruffy and bearded.

Robert John Downey, Jr. (born April 4, 1965) is an American actor who made his screen debut at the age of five, appearing in his father’s film Pound. He has appeared in roles associated with the Brat Pack, such as Less Than Zero and Weird Science. Other films he has starred in include Air America, Soapdish, and Natural Born Killers. [and, notably, on Ally McBeal on tv] (link)

Now to six men labeled scruffIlicious on the net, mostly repeatedly and sometimes with enormous admiration. I’ll start with two presenting themselves with light scruff, more like five o’clock shadow or just past it. From Wikipedia on this sort of facial hair and on maintaining stylish stubble:

Stubble is the regrowth of shaven hair, when it is short and has a rough, abrasive texture.

During the 1980s, facial stubble on men became fashionable, partly due to being popularized by the singer George Michael, as well as the popular television show Miami Vice. This was also known as the “designer stubble” and was groomed, shaped, and maintained as a regular beard. Electric clippers can be used to maintain stubble on the face as a men’s fashion style. Companies such as Wahl and Philips manufacture trimmers that are designed to maintain facial stubble. Removing the guard from most trimmers will give the user a stubbly look.

The British term five o’clock shadow refers to beard stubble that is visible late in the day, usually around 5 o’clock, on men who have shaved their faces that morning. … The term was popularized in the 1930s in the marketing department of the Gem Safety Razor Company. While dreaming up a new advertising campaign, they decided to try and convince previously unsuspecting men that they suffered from ‘ugly, afternoon beard growth’ and that this could only be countered by the purchase and use of ‘Gem Micromatic Blades’. Needing a snappy name for this late-afternoon ailment, which would of course bar sufferers from any genteel ‘five o’clock dinner’, they chose to call it ‘five o’clock shadow’.

On to “Daniel Jackson”, a fictional character played by Michael Shanks. Here’s Shanks (who mostly appears clean-shaven) with very light scruff:

On Jackson:

Daniel Jackson, Ph.D., is a fictional character in the Canadian-American military science fiction television series Stargate SG-1, which is about a military team exploring the galaxy via a network of alien transportation devices. Daniel Jackson is first introduced in the 1994 film Stargate, and is played by James Spader. In the ensuing television series the character is played by Michael Shanks. Daniel Jackson is a civilian archeologist and linguist, who works with the Stargate military project and therefore holds no military ranking. (link)

Fans seem to routinely refer to Shanks *as* Daniel Jackson. On Shanks:

Michael Garrett Shanks (born December 15, 1970) is a Canadian actor who achieved international fame for his role as Dr. Daniel Jackson in the long-running Canadian-American military science fiction television series Stargate SG-1. (link)

Then James Kirk (not Capt. Kirk from Star Trek), with somewhat heavier scruff:

James Nichol Kirk (born May 2, 1986) is a Canadian actor. He is best known for his role of Sebastian in She’s the Man. (link)

Then to the star of this set of six, Robert (or Rob) Pattinson, shown here twice (in one intense shot and one smiling one), but with significant scruff in both cases:

He often appears clean-shaven (and shirtless).

Robert Douglas Thomas Pattinson (born 13 May 1986) is an English actor, model, musician and producer. Pattinson started his career by playing Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. He later landed the leading role of Edward Cullen in the film adaptations of the Twilight novels by Stephenie Meyer, and came to worldwide fame, thus establishing himself among the highest paid and most bankable actors in Hollywood. (link)

Speaking of shirtless, here’s scruffy Charlie Hunnam in a shirtless shot:

Charles Matthew “Charlie” Hunnam (born 10 April 1980) is an English actor and screenwriter. He is best known for his roles as Pete Dunham in the film Green Street Hooligans, Nathan Maloney in the Channel 4 drama Queer as Folk, Jackson “Jax” Teller in the FX series Sons of Anarchy, and Lloyd Haythe in the Fox comedy series Undeclared. (link)

And from the world of song, David Cook:

David Roland Cook (born December 20, 1982) is an American rock singer-songwriter, who rose to fame after winning the seventh season of the reality television show American Idol. Prior to Idol he released an independent album entitled Analog Heart, followed by his post-Idol major-label debut David Cook which was released on November 18, 2008 and has since been certified platinum by the RIAA. (link)

Finally, Taylor Kitsch, who appears clean-shaven in an AZBlogX posting on underwear models, now seen with scruff:

Taylor Kitsch (born April 8, 1981) is a Canadian actor and model. He is known for his role as Tim Riggins in the NBC television series Friday Night Lights and for his role as Gambit in X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009). He also starred in the films John Carter, Battleship, and Savages (all in 2012). (link)

Passed on by Karen Chung on Facebook, a HuffPo piece (with video) about a Kmart ad with ostentatious taboo avoidance:

‘Ship My Pants’ Kmart Ad: For The 12-Year-Old In All Of Us

Looks like Kmart has finally said, “F it, we’re not Target and we’re not Walmart… we’re @#$%*! Kmart.”

Touting the fact that if you can’t find what you’re looking for in store you can find it online and then have it sent to your home, Kmart has introduced its “Ship My Pants” ad… which you will make you laugh despite your higher aspirations.

Not since Benny Bell’s immortal “Shaving Cream”, has the word shit not been said [repeatedly] with such glee.

We shall endeavor to ship our pants very soon. Thanks, Kmart!

I’ll get to the syntax of shit one’s pants in a moment. But first a return to “Shaving Cream”, discussed on this blog here:

[from the WorldLingo site] It is a novelty song which uses innuendo; the verses end in a way that implies that the next word is “shit”, while the refrain begins with the words “Shaving Cream,” with exaggerated emphasis on the “sh” sound, e.g.,

I have a sad story to tell you
It may hurt your feelings a bit
Last night when I walked into my bathroom
I stepped in a big pile of
[Refrain] Shaving cream, be nice and clean
Shave everyday and you’ll always look keen

Now, shit one’s pants (and crap, poop, piss, pee as well) — with a (reflexively understood) possessive-marked object — is related to shit [etc.] in one’s pants by “transitivizing P-drop” (brief discussion of transitivizing P-drop on this blog, here, somewhat longer discussion on my website, here). Similarly, shit [etc.] (on) oneself, with reflexive object.

The reflexive constructions came up on ADS-L back on 4/2/08, with Wilson Gray claiming a distinction between WE (White English) and BE (Black English), with WE having the transitive (direct-object) argument structure (He shit/shat/pissed himself) and BE having the prepositional (oblique-object) argument structure (He shitted/pissed on himself). (I’ll disregard the differences in verb forms here.) Larry Horn in response:

Actually, the latter two forms are perfectly acceptable in varieties of WE I’m familiar with, and there’s a slight semantic / pragmatic / register difference between the two versions. If I inadvertently allow a couple of drops to hit my shoe, I pissed on myself, but I didn’t piss myself. This actually follows from the general association with direct objects and “affectedness”, as in the difference between loading the hay onto the truck and loading the truck with the hay. I also suspect there may be another difference here for many speakers besides that of degree-of-affectedness:

He intentionally shat/pissed on himself. [vs.]  ??He intentionally shat/pissed himself.

Perhaps not all WE speakers share this latter intuition.

My follow-up:

The connection between direct objects and affectedness is a nice (though subtle) example of iconicity in grammar: closely linked objects (i.e., direct objects) tend to be understood as denoting more affected referents, and less closely linked objects (i.e., oblique objects, marked by prepositions) tend to be understood as denoting less affected, more tangentially connected, referents. Tighter syntactic connection, more direct connection in meaning.

(This is not a novel observation of mine, by the way.  For “functionalist” linguists, it’s a commonplace.)

Bonus observation: All this means that “direct object” is not a half-bad name for this syntactic function. Not exactly transparent, and certainly not a definition, but suggestive.

The discussion then shifted to the possessive pronoun construction (shit [etc.] (in) one’s pants). Charlie Doyle noted that he’d listed this case of alternative argument structures in a note in American Speech 52:28 (1977).

(Lexical note: the alternations are available for only some verbs meaning ‘defecate’ and ‘urinate’; for others, only the oblique structure is possible. This is true of defecate and urinate themselves: I defecated / urinated in my pants / on myself, but *I defecated / urinated my pants / myself. And of slang dump and whiz and coy piddle and tinkle (I dumped / whizzed in my pants / on myself, but *I dumped / whizzed my pants / myself).

Larry Horn:

Ah, I still get the <+/- affectedness> distinction there. If he shit in his pants, a bit of scrubbing followed by detergent and the hot water setting might do the trick. If he shit his pants, best to just toss ‘em out.  (Talk about putting the “object” back in “direct object”…)

Later, on this blog on dispose toilet paper vs. dispose of toilet paper:

As I’ve said before in connection with P~Ø alternations, the intransitive, or oblique-object, version is more explicit about the relationship between the V and the object, while the transitive, or direct-object, version is briefer and suggests a stronger real-world bond between the referent of the V and the referent of the object. Different virtues.

back on ADS-L, Ben Zimmer finished off the shit my pants topic:

I feel this conversation wouldn’t be complete without a mention of the classic Saturday Night Live pseudo-commercial for the adult diaper known as “Oops! I Crapped My Pants”…

Ben’s link is to the transcript. The video;

Oops! I Crapped My Pants

Most of the occurrences of ship my pants in the Kmart ad depend on another argument-structure fact about the verb ship, namely that it can be used with a direct object to convey not shipping the referent of that object, but having the referent shipped. as when the kid in the ad exclaims, “I can’t wait to ship my pants, Dad!” That sets things up for the (imperfect) pun ship/shit.

(Mostly about penguins rather than language.)

From Chris Ambidge in Canada, a package cover for Brownies — brownie-like cookies in penguin shapes (shown at about half actual size).

I wonder how Brownies is pronounced in Canadian French.

In other penguin-related household news, back on February 28th, I got a postcard from my friends Mike Jankulak and Sim Aberson (aka the Aberlaks) with a familiar photo of a pair of king penguins:

What was exciting was that the card came from South Georgia (as in the British overseas territory South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands, in the Southern Atlantic). Among other places, they visited the largest king penguin colony on South Georgia — an estimated 500,000 penguins.

The South Georgia stamp on the postcard showed an elephant seal, also common in those parts. (I haven’t been able to find a good image of the stamp.)

[Added at the request of Mark Mandel, a small image of the stamp;

]

Then on April 4th, Max Vasilatos paid me a visit, bringing with her various presents: the TitanMen postcards I have since amended with captions; a book of male photography, Besame Mucho, by Pedro Usabiaga; and the April 8th issue of Time, with a photo essay “In the Beginnings” (text by Richard Lacayo, photos by Sebastião Salgado) on South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands, with hordes of penguins in one of he photos:

Lacayo’s text:

On South Georgia, a barren island in the far South Atlantic, a pair of southern elephant seal calves beckon before a colony of king penguins. “The male seals can grow to almost five tons,” says Salgado, “but these are just babies. This one looked at me with beautiful eyes.”

And that’s the news for penguins (and elephant seals).

From recent images sent on by Chris Ambidge, five that could have gone on AZBlogX (though they are not visually X-rated) but would also fit here.

1. Toby Young. One of the genres that Chris specializes in is the Naked Man in Kirjasto shot. Kirjasto is Finnish for ‘library’ (literally, ‘book place’), and the name of my library/study/office condo is Kirjasto Zwicky. A number of examples have already come past on AZBlogX. Now here’s one of general interest, since it features a writer of some note — who is, indeed, naked, but covering his genitals with a copy of one of his books — in a photo by a photographer of some note:

  (#1)

On the book:

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People (2001) is a memoir by Toby Young about his failed five-year effort to make it in the U.S. as a contributing editor at Condé Nast Publications’ Vanity Fair magazine [an obvious play on Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People]. He has written a sequel called The Sound of No Hands Clapping which chronicles his failure as a Hollywood screenwriter in the years after he left New York. (link)

And on the movie made from it:

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People is a 2008 British comedy film based upon British writer Toby Young’s 2001 memoir of the same name. The film follows a similar storyline, about his five-year struggle to make it in the United States after employment at Sharps Magazine. The names of the magazine and people Young came into contact with during the time were changed for the film adaptation. The film version (adapted by Peter Straughan) is a highly fictionalized account, and differs greatly from the work upon which it was built. (link)

And the website of photographer Serge J-F. Levy is here.

2. Eel Man. For the phallicity file, this wonderful cover from a men’s magazine:

  (#2)

For the masculinity / homoeroticism files: the bare-chested men, the machete, and of course the phallic eel (in bright red, not a typical eely color). On eels as fish and as food, see this posting.

3. From the gay past. A 1955 ad for Austin Reed men’s clothing:

  (#3)

This was from before gay picked up its ‘homosexual’ meaning in general use. Even so, the ad is odd, especially the two men on the right: Sun Top Man looking down the shorts of handstanding Amphibious Man.

4. Father and Son. Another theme of Chris’s photos is the Bookend, the pairing of two similar but contrasting shots (often, people clothed and unclothed). Here’s a touching, and entirely G-rated, bookend of father-and-son photos:

  (#4)

The son is holding a soccer ball in each photo, but they’ve both aged — and you can see how much the trees have grown.

(Ok, no discernible linguistic interest in this one.)

5. Easter rugby. This one is just wonderfully silly. It has men in jockstraps on the field of sport, with an Easter basket. And the guys have pouffy gloves and excellent bunny ears, as well as rugby balls:

  (#5)

Not a triumph of the photographer’s art, but still charming.

A link from Arne Adolfsen on Facebook to this 1976 ad for Winston cigarettes:

  (#1)

Length as a theme in cigarette ads was all over the place. Here, the ad has the guy saying that he doesn’t judge his cigarette by its length — but, still, he opts for a super king size cigarette, longer than king size, which in turn is longer than standard size, and he does that because he wants the extra length. The phallic content is unmistakable.

This was an old game for Winstons. An earlier ad:

  (#2)

Then there were long cigarettes marketed specifically to women, again with suggestive ads. For instance, Eve cigarettes in this 1996 ad:

  (#3)

Then there are More cigarettes. From Wikipedia:

More is a brand of cigarette which was originally marketed to both men and women and then changed its primary focus to women consumers. It typically has a dark brown (rather than the traditional white) wrapper and is typically 120 mm in length. The More brand does, however produce shorter versions with the typical white wrapper and white or cork filters.

Initially tested in Oklahoma City in 1974, the brand was introduced nationally by R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company in June 1975. Bridging the gap between cigars and cigarettes ‘More’ was the first successful 120mm cigarette. It had a strong flavor and when introduced was higher in “tar” and nicotine than most filter cigarettes on the market. It is sold in both the full flavor and menthol flavors. It is currently considered a niche brand by RJR, still sold, but not promoted by advertising.

But the prize in cigarette phallicity surely goes to Joe Camel, marketed with the slogans “Smooth” and “Smooth Character” and shown smoking a Camel in high-masculinity contexts, as here:

   (#4)

Joe Camel (officially Old Joe [but popularly referred to as Genital Joe]) was the advertising mascot for Camel cigarettes from late 1987 to July 12, 1997, appearing in magazine advertisements, billboards, and other print media. (link)

Genital Joe was widely parodied, as here:

  (#5)

Controversy over these ads’ enormous appeal to children (especially boys) led to their being discontinued in 1997.

A Progressive Insurance commercial “Castle” (viewable here) currently running on tv engages in playful imitation of archaic English. As usual, such attempts are seriously inaccurate, but merely give the feel that older forms of English are weird (and use the verb inflection -(e)th a lot). The script, which recognizes the inadequacies of the language:

VIDEO: OPEN ON FLO SITTING ON THRONES MADE OUT OF DISCOUNT BOXES. SHE IS DRINKING OUT OF A CHALICE. JAMIE STANDS NEARBY WEARING A SUIT OF ARMOR MADE FROM POLICY BOXES. THE WHOLE CONVERSATION IS SPOKEN IN BROKEN OLD ENGLISH – OR THEIR BEST ATTEMPT AT OLD ENGLISH.

JAMIE: (OLD ENGLISH ACCENT) I doth declare that thou have brought overmany discounts to thine customers!

FLO: (OLD ENGLISH ACCENT) Safe driver, multi-car, paid in full – a most fulsome bounty indeed, Lord Jamie. [Ouch on fulsome.]

JAMIE: (OLD ENGLISH ACCENT) Thou cometh and we thy saveth! [Problems with thee / thou / thy / thine here; but the facts are complex and variable over time, so maybe we can excuse the misfire on thy.]

VIDEO: KEN WALKS IN.

KEN: What are you doing?

JAMIE: (REGULAR VOICE) We doth offer so many discounts, we have some to spare.

KEN: Oh, you have any of those homeowners discounts?

VIDEO: JAMIE LOOKS DOWN AT HIS ARMOR LOOKING GUILTY. IT’S CLEAR HE MADE HIS ARMOR FROM THE BOXES IN QUESTION. KEN TAKES HIS SHIELD.

KEN: Here we go.

JAMIE: He took my shield my Lady.

FLO: These are troubling times in the kingdom.

ANNOUNCER: More discounts than we knoweth what to do with. Now that’s Progressive.

You can find plenty of other Mock Old English on the net.

(Not much about language, but about gender and sexuality — and phallic symbols.)

In my recent mail, an image from Chris Ambidge of an ad for Kraft’s Zesty Italian salad dressing:

  (#1)

Handsome, naked Anderson Davis in a classic porn pose (which I’ve called “pits ‘n tits”), with a half-smile on his face and his privates just barely covered — and with a phallic wine bottle paired with testicular grapes, to ramp up the sexual message. Such images appeal to almost everyone: straight guys would like to be that guy, straight women would like to do him, and gay men would like both.

Another image from the ad campaign:

  (#2)

Mouth play in this one, and this time phallic carrots and testicular tomatoes. (The bottle of salad dressing is of course prominently displayed in both photos.)

And then, this entertaining tv commercial:

A USA Today story from the 20th about the campaign:

Anderson Davis, better known as “The Zesty Guy,” has received marriage proposals, widespread media attention and criticism for his seductive approach to selling salad dressing.

“I was just hoping that it didn’t come off as corny,” Davis says in an interview with USA TODAY about the Kraft ad campaign for “Zesty Italian” salad dressing, in which he portrays a mostly undressed chef.

“I really wanted to make sure that it kind of stuck that you can have a guy without his shirt on, and he can look like more than just a guy without his shirt on. He can be appealing, he can be attractive and he can be funny.”

Not everyone is laughing. On Tuesday, One Million Moms, a Christian advocacy group, condemned Kraft for Davis’ near-naked appearance in a magazine spread. “It is easy to see what the ad is really selling,” the group says.

… Davis also starred in a suggestive commercial for Sauza Tequila for a campaign that launched in mid-April. He plays a lifeguard who seductively mixes a glass of tequila and takes a shower on the beach.

Davis says the Kraft ad gave him an opportunity to create a character, which is unusual in a commercial. He enjoyed being able to add funny moments to the scripts. One ad begins with Davis slowly rubbing dough, saying “when it comes to pizza crust, I like to do things.” Then he slaps the dough. He makes his pizza and stirs salad in the salad spinner, when the bar of the spinner rips his shirt off. Slapping the dough was his idea.

The criticism from One Million Moms has sparked debate about whether or not Kraft went too far by featuring Davis shirtless and nearly nude in the ads.

Kraft “will push away loyal, conservative customers with this new ad campaign,” the group says. “The consumers they are attempting to attract — women and mothers — are the very ones they are driving away.”

The statement spurred an outpouring of support on Twitter from fans of the ads. Some mothers defended the zesty gimmick, including one who who tweeted: “I’m a mom and loving the ads. It’s about time women had some eye candy and some comedy.”

Kraft said the “Let’s Get Zesty” campaign is supposed to appeal to consumers, especially women, in a new way.

“We want to recognize our consumers as more than just moms but also as women and give her a campaign that has her view Kraft Salad Dressings in a whole new way,” a Kraft statement says.

Davis would not comment on the controversy. The campaign, he says, is “supposed to be lighthearted, more than anything.”

On Davis, from his website:

Anderson Davis. Born and raised in Northern California. Actor and lifelong competitive athlete.

Anderson spent his childhood years through college participating in all sports, from football, basketball, track & field and baseball. In college he was offered a contract by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays baseball organization. An injury sent him on his path to Los Angeles in 2008, initially he had no intent on acting or modeling, but shortly after arriving to LA was cast in his first national commercial as a baseball player for Sharp Aquos, has since competitively attacked the LA acting market, starring in over 25 National Commercials, Katy Perry’s music video “Thinking of you”.

He has appeared in various magazines, and worked with many of the top clients in the modeling and commercial world, along with co star roles in CSI, Days of our Lives, among others.

(Davis could use a writing coach.)

As a man who’s proud of his body, Davis has done some underwear modeling, as in this steamy shot:

  (#3)

This would be a good time to post another inventory of underwear postings, on this blog and AZBlogX. Previous inventories:

10/19/10: Underwear gods (link): with an inventory of underwear postings

2/3/11: More underwear links (link): second inventory of underwear postings

And since then (with AZBlogX postings asterisked):

2/6/11: Basket case (link): Valentino in skin-tight swim trunks

2/10/11: A Swedish basket case (link): boxer shorts declared sexist

*2/15/11: More lacing up (link)

*2/21/11: Slubwear (link)

*3/9/11: Titanic exposure (link)

3/16/11: Underwear puns (link)

3/27/11: Underwear linguistics: shapewear (link)

3/29/11: Male vanity (link): Andrew Christian Shock Jocks

4/7/11: Underwear models and superheroes (link)

4/17/11: Bulges (link)

*5/3/11: Moose-knuckle days at Undergear (link)

*5/6/11: Seven from Jockstrap Central (link)

5/6/11: Jockstraps (link)

*5/17/11: The lure of lace (link)

*6/1/11: Pouchwear (link)

*6/14/11: Today’s remarkable underwear (link)

6/18/11: Arts and crafts in the mail (link)

*7/3/11: BFF Tibor Wolfe (link)

*8/12/11: Extreme® Python wear (link)

*9/2/11: More dickholewear (link)

11/30/11: Puma in pink (link)

12/5/11: Rudy the Christmas elf (link)

12/21/11: Christmas greetings (link)

*12/25/11: Titanic pornwear (link)

12/25/11: pornwear (link)

*1/14/12: Mien men (link)

1/14/12: Wrapping it up (link)

1/29/12: Mario Lopez stripped (link)

2/7/12: The big reveal (link)

2/13/12: ish and masculinity (link): David Beckham

2/27/12: Ben Cohen (link)

3/17/12: St. Patrick (link): Undergear

3/25/12: Jon Bon Jovi (link)

*4/13/12: Time to expose it all (link): Undergear

5/14/12: T-bars (link)

6/10/12: Piety (link): Good Devil from DUGG

6/28/12: For Stonewall Day (link): puppy pile of boyz

7/21/12: Artists in underwear (link): spray paint and briefs

7/21/12: More Alain Delon (link): Delon in swim trunks

7/22/12: Sporno again (link): sporno

7/23/12: Today’s entertaining underwear (link): Andres Velasco Jungle Trunk

10/29/12: Halloween Giants (link): Undergear for Halloween, Papi for the SF Giants

11/6/12: Ay papi! (link): Beemer Boy in briefs

*11/8/12: Slutty loungewear (link)

11/8/12: Toga toga toga! (link)

11/12/12: Velasco strikes again, trochaically (link)

12/9/12: The underwear elves of 2012 (link)

12/16/12: The gay underwear anthem (link)

12/21/12: Vestigial design elements (link): on functional and vestigial flies

1/16/13: The H fly (link)

1/17/13: Accent on Santa skivvies (link)

*1/25/13: Bruce Weber (link)

1/30/13: Male models as jocks (link)

3/3/13: Going against nature (link): 2 Styx ads

*3/15/13: Sexy St. Patrick’s (link): Undergear ad

*3/15/13: Underwear poses (link)

*3/15/13: Remarkable underwear update (link)

3/15/13: Three underwear postings (link): links to three postings on AZBlogX

3/21/13: NuttyBuddies and Nutty Buddies (link): NuttyBuddy protective cups

3/22/13: Dance belts (link): dance belts, ballet tights

4/4/13: Calendars: Boy Next Door, Philip Fusco (link): Boy Next Door calendars, underwear model Philip Fusco

*4/5/13: Maximum exposure: Good Devil (link)

*4/5/13: Maximum exposure: Male Power (link)

4/9/13: pinnies (link)

*5/5/13: The UnderGear sale (link)

5/19/13: X or not? (link): on the line between X -rated and not

(Sexually explicit language to follow.)

An ad for MovieMountain and GameLink (sources of porn movies) today features a variety of products classified as lubes. Some are simple sexual lubricants, but others are designed to provide stimulation or its opposite, desensitization (depending on what the users want). Some of them are far from lubricants, but there seems to be no label for the category that includes lubricants, stimulating products, and desensitizing creams. (On the larger category of ADJUNCTS to sex, see this posting on gay sex toys.)

Furtherest from straightforward lubes in the LUBE/STIM/DESENSE category is BJ Blast (manufactured by Pipedream Products):

It’s finally here! The world’s only fizzing, popping, bursting, exploding ORAL SEX CANDY! Just sprinkle some in your mouth and go down for the ride of their life. Eating out will never be the same! Each packet contains enough to share the fun!

(#1)

Along the same lines are the Goodhead Tingle Oral Sex Drops (manufactured by Doc Johnson Enterprises):

This set of oral sex enhancers intensify blow jobs by tingling teasing and sweetening the entire package! Goodhead Tingle Drops come packed in easy to us, drip free bottles and featuring delicious flavors like Green Apple, Watermelon, and Strawberry.

(#2)

So much for enhancing the blow-job experience. But sometimes a cocksucker wants desensitization instead, as in deepthroating. For that there’s Comfortably Numb Deep Throat Spray (by Pipedream again), which is spearmint-flavored:

Flavored desensitizing spray specially formulated to reduce the discomfort associated with oral sex. The refreshing mist contains a mild numbing agent that coats the back of the throat helping to suppress gag reflex. Works as a breath freshener as well [a nice touch].

(#3)

On to desensitizing the penis, as with Max 4 Men Max Control Prolong Spray (from Classic Erotica):

Upgrade your performance! Max Control is an ejaculation delay spray to help extend erections. Formulated with lidocaine, this fast acting gentle desensitizing agent is a gift from the gods! Makes sex an experience you and your partner will both enjoy. Helps reduce male sensitivity to prolong sexual pleasure. Quick absorbing, you run less of the risk of transferring the product onto your partner. Paraben and sugar free.

(#4)

Then we get to densensitizing lubricants, especially for use in anal pentration (by penis or sex toy), but also usable for vaginal penetration. First, lubricants from the  (wonderfully named) Boy Butter company:

Boy Butter H20 Desensitizing Lubricant: This unique desensitizing lubricant is water-based and creamy, so it can be used with all latex items, and is safe for women too. Hypo-allergenic, and non-staining. Contains 5% Benzocaine, a topical anesthetic that eases the pain associated with penetrations of all kinds.

Boy Butter Extreme Desensitizing Lubricant: This oil-based, Desensitizing lubricant contains 7.5% Benzocaine so all insertions are comfortable. This lubricant may also delay premature ejaculation.

(#5)

And Dare Anal Desensitizing Cream (from California Fantasies):

Dare Anal Desensitizing Cream gently desensitizes and numbs the anal area prior to anal play. Enjoy the adventure and avoid discomfort and interruptions. Contains No Parabens, no Glycerin, and no Petroleum derivatives. Apply cream to rectal area 10 minutes prior to play for full effects.

(#6)

And two “anal ease” products. First Anal-Eze Gel (from California Exotic):

Anal-eze is a special gel that is designed with an aim to make anal sex an enjoyable experience with no inconveniences during the action. The gel’s formula contains special desensitizing agents that reduce the sensitivity of the anus and help avoiding painful sensations during the play.

(#7)

And Anal Ese Cream, which is, omg, cherry-flavored (from the entertainingly named Nasstoys company):

Trusted, effective lubricating cream is specifically formulated to ease the way to complete anal enjoyment. It contains a mild anesthetic (benzocaine) that enhances comfort during penetration by means of mild desensitization. And it tastes like cherries!

(#8)

Finally, applicators for the lubricant of your choice: Anal Eaze Insertz (from Pipedream again):

These no-mess applicators make it easy to get your favorite lube or lotion to stay where you want it. The thin, extra-long tapered tips make application into the anus or vagina a breeze. They’re smooth, easy to squeeze, and best of all, the resealable cap allows you to reuse the Insertz or save for later.

(#9)

So: you can lube it up, ramp up the sensation, or dial things back for comfort.

In the spirit of “Zesty Anderson Davis” (with the actor skirting nudity in the service of Kraft Zesty Italian salad dressing), Chris Ambidge has pointed me to two other ads that go all the way (while managing to avoid genital nudity): one for the British Heart Foundation, suggesting sex (perhaps in conjunction with swimming) as good for heart health:

  (#1)

(Buttocks, but nothing else.)

And the other in a commercial for Richmond ham, in which everyone is naked, while the central figure celebrates his ham sandwich in song:

 (#2)

In this one, everyone just barely manages to avoid crossing the X line. A print ad:

  (#3)

And two stills from the video:

  (#4)

  (#5)

The ad caused a controversy, but not the one you might have expected. From the Daily Mail, under the head “Banned, ham advert that hid the naked truth: Product claimed to be made in Britain when it was Irish (but the naked man strolling around was fine)”:

Watchdogs have ruled that a TV ad featuring a naked man strolling through the countryside wearing nothing but a cap was not offensive.

The commercial for Richmond ham was supposed to be a light-hearted attempt to present the product as natural and wholesome.

However, it drew 370 complaints to the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) from shocked viewers with many arguing it was both offensive and unsuitable to be seen by children.

The TV ad showed the man standing in a field admiring a sandwich before strolling past a group of naked people who were eating a picnic.

As he walked, the man sang: ‘Oh Richmond ham, as nature intended, you’ve nothing to hide Richmond ham, to me you taste blooming splendid.’

A voice-over then added: ‘New Richmond ham. Britain’s only ham made with 100 per cent natural ingredients.’

The company said the ad demonstrated a ‘well-adjusted, comfortable, and completely non-sexual attitude to the human body’, while surveys with mums had received a positive response.

That defence has been accepted by the ASA in a ruling published today.

The watchdog said: ‘Consumers would understand that it was a light-hearted reference to the product being ‘as nature intended’.

‘Whilst we understood the ad may not appeal to everyone, we considered that it was not sexual in tone and we concluded that it was unlikely to cause serious or widespread offence.’

But, while the ASA was happy with the nudity, it has decided to ban the commercial on the basis it gave a misleading impression about where the ham was made.

For while the advertisement described it has ‘Britain’s only ham made with 100 per cent natural ingredients’, the product is actually made in Ireland by Kerry Foods.

The ASA said: ‘Whilst we accepted the ad did not refer directly to the provenance of the product, we considered that describing the product as Britain’s only ham was likely to be interpreted by consumers as meaning the product was British in origin, when in fact that was not the case.

‘We therefore concluded that the claim was misleading.’

Richmond Foods makes more than ham. There are also pork sausages, seen on the left in this ad in their full phallic splendor and on the right in combination with mash and peas (in other ads, you get baked beans):

  (#6)

Sturdy British food. With a sense of humor.

From Chris Ambidge, this photo of a window in a camping supply store on Rideau St. in Ottawa:

(#1)

Moose Knuckles turns out to be the name of a brand of sportswear — distinctly Canadian, and also irreverent, sportswear. Canadian, hence the moose. And irreverent, hence the slang term moose knuckle (for male genitals visible through clothes).

From the Moose Knuckles site:

The True North

Moose Knuckles is born of Canadian heritage, Personality, Sports and Leisure from our nation’s obsession with ice hockey, to our reputation as the class clown of the global schoolhouse.

Moose Knuckles is ballsy and playful with a ‘no holds barred’ kind of attitude.

Moose Knuckles is a premium sportswear brand that updates time-honored Canadian garments for the tastes and expectations of an urban market.

A couple of their ads that play up the sex angle:

(#2)

(#3)

Parkas and underwear.

For the Fourth of July (Independence Day) weekend, an advertising campaign on the TLA Adult Gay Video site:

Celebrate Foreskindependence

(intended: foreskin + independence).

Meanwhile, for some time now the 76 gasoline firm (formerly Union 76) has been running a tv ad campaign against honkaholism (honk + alcoholism, or possibly honk + the libfix -aholism), an addiction to honking.

The first turns out not to convey the intended meaning — an Independence Day sale — very well; foreskins are not centrally involved in the matter, and in any case the term could be parsed as foreskin + dependence.

The second is clever and cute, but becomes annoying on repetition.

Foreskindependence. A preference for uncut men (men with intact foreskins) is a well-known taste of many gay men, and numerous videos cater specifically to this taste (while others cater to a taste for cut men), so even if you parse foreskindependence in the intended fashion, you’ll expect that the sale has something specifically to do with foreskins. But in fact, here are the main terms of the sale:

Freedom to Save Super Sale!
Get up to 25% off your entire order!
We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men (and women too) have a divine right to save huge, up to 25% off their order! Express your independence by buying anything and everything you want. Spend $49.99 and you’ll automatically get an extra 15% off your entire order. Spend $99.99 and you’ll automatically get an extra 20% off your order. Most fabulously of all, spend $149.99 or more and you’ll automatically get an extra 25% off your entire order! The more you buy, the more you save! This is why we fought the British, people. Do your patriotic duty and start shopping now!

Foreskins don’t come into it at all. It’s all about freedom, rights, and patriotism.

Honkaholism. From the NYT on 4/1/13, “Gasoline Brand Urges Drivers to Stop ‘Honkaholism’ “ by Stuart Elliott:

Efforts by a leading gasoline brand [76] to woo consumers in a nontraditional fashion are continuing with a light-hearted initiative aimed at discouraging a particularly annoying kind of vehicular noise pollution.

… The initiative urges drivers to stop “honkaholism” — the incessant beeping of car horns that bothers passengers, pedestrians and other drivers. It is styled like a public service campaign aimed at eradicating a societal ill, seeking to make people aware of the problem and then offering a solution.

For instance, the commercial — which can be watched on the special Web site, stophonkaholism.com, as well as on television — starts with an angry man behind the wheel of a car at a crosswalk, is honking loudly as bewildered children stare.

“Is your honking out of control?” a calm-voiced announcer asks. “You might be showing signs of honkaholism.”

“Now you can put an end to all the beeping honking,” the announcer continues, “with the 76 Honk Suppressor.” The reference is to the giveaway item, a toy shaped like a hockey puck that bears a resemblance to the Easy button from the Staples retail chain.

At the center of the Honk Suppressor, which can be attached to a dashboard, is a piece of red rubber or plastic bearing the 76 brand logo; when pressed down upon, it makes a bleating sound like a child’s doll or a dog’s squeaky toy.

The Honk Suppressor is “the perfectly safe honking alternative,” the announcer declares, “designed to wean even the most beeping honkers off their beeping.”

(Note the taboo-avoiding bleeping.)

I found this entertaining the first few times it came around. But eventually it became as annoying as, well, honking.

And I wonder whether the commercial has been effective — something that’s notoriously hard to gauge.

From John Lawler via Facebook, a link to my 1971 Linguistic Inquiry squib on manner-of-speaking verbs (like snap in Kim snapped that it was time to leave), along with a captioned image of the Rice Krispies elves:

(#1)

From Wikipedia:

Snap, Crackle, and Pop! are the cartoon mascots of Kellogg’s breakfast cereal Rice Krispies (Australia: Rice Bubbles.)

The gnomic elves characters were originally designed by illustrator Vernon Grant in the early 1930s. The names are an onomatopoeia and were derived from a Rice Krispies radio ad:

Listen to the fairy song of health, the merry chorus sung by Kellogg’s Rice Krispies as they merrily snap, crackle and pop in a bowl of milk. If you’ve never heard food talking, now is your chance.

The first character appeared on the product’s packaging in 1933, Grant added two more and named the trio Snap, Crackle and Pop. Snap is always portrayed with a baker’s hat and Pop with the military cap of a marching band leader. Crackle’s red or striped stocking cap leaves his occupation ambiguous. Corporate promotional material describes their personalities as resembling brothers. Snap is the oldest and a problem solver, Crackle is an unsure “middle child” and Pop is a mischievous youngster.

The elves have changed over the years. Here they are in 1939, looking more gnome-like:

(#2)

(Brief mention of the Rice Krispies elves on this blog here and here.)

Wikipedia gives the elves’ names in other markets:

Denmark – Pif! Paf! Puf!
Finland – Riks! Raks! Poks!
France – Cric! Crac! Croc!
Germany – Knisper! Knasper! Knusper!
Switzerland – Piff! Paff! Poff!
South Africa – Knap! Knaetter! Knak! (Afrikaans)
Quebec – Cric! Crac! Croc!
Mexico – Pim! Pum! Pam!

In most of these, only the vowel varies, generally moving from high front to low back (that is, with descending second formant), from “small-sounding” to “large-sounding”.

Ad agencies use both sex and playfulness to sell things; see near-naked Anderson Davis in ads for Kraft’s Zesty Italian salad dressing (here) and lots of naked people (with the naughty bits cleverly concealed) in a funny Richmond ham comercial (here). Now (passed on by several people on Facebook) still more sexy silly food advertising, from Bertolli Olive Oil Australia, in this video.

We get purported model, chef, and author Alfredo Caldo-Freddo (‘heat-cold’), mostly in a skimpy (and backless) apron (so that we get a glimpse of his handsome butt) but sometimes in tight pants, showing off his chest, doing an Italian accent, and jokily hawking three kinds of Bertolli olive oil: Extra Virgin for cold dishes and Classico and extra light for hot dishes.

Two entertaining stills of the character:

(#1)

(#2)