(Extremely minimally dressed men, with discussion of their bodies and of mansex in street language, so not for kids or the sexually modest.)
Annals of men’s underwear, starting with some extremely minimal items, including one that claims to be anti-bacterial; notes on armpit and crotch sweat and its associated bacteria, with their characterstic smells and tastes; and (a surprise bonus) the advertised virtues of merino wool underwear and t-shirts.
Under the fold, I’ll start with two of the more remarkable minimalist items: the Echo Mesh jock pouch (and harness) from CellBlock13; and pro wrestler John Cena in a hot pink banana hammock.
The Echo Mesh jock pouch, in a Daily Jocks ad mailing of 5/13, a cock tease pose that’s so close to the line that the mailing came with a NSFW warning:
(#1) Unabashed homowear; note the model’s erect nipples and his adorable mini tit piercings
But wait — there’s more! Here he is in sideview:
(#2) Displaying a nobly muscular fuckable ass (and black socks to match the rest of his ensemble)
I find these poses incredibly hot (as they were intended to be for queers like me) and simultaneously quite funny, because of their extravagant intensity. (Get over yourself, Butch!)
(The ad copy merely says, rather laconically: “The Echo Mesh Jock Pouch and Harness are made from a sturdy, textured polyester/spandex mesh for length, fit and comfort.”)
The hot pink banana hammock, in contrast, is flagrantly outrageous heterowear, worn playfully by John Cena, who mostly would just prefer displaying his big dick, uncovered even minimally, with boyish glee. (So much cock display by straight guys is earnest, anxious, dick pics, which are really creepy; Cena flaunts his with gusto and a laugh.)
Hat tip from Mark Mandel to this posting on the TMZ site, “John Cena Wears ‘Hot Pink Banana Hammock’ … I Like ‘The Fit'”, on 4/24/20:
Forget boxers vs. briefs … John Cena rocks a BANANA HAMMOCK in his real day-to-day life because he likes the way it fits.
Yep.
The WWE superstar was doing an interview/photo shoot with Men’s Journal when he changed clothes between shots right in front of the reporter … revealing his “hot pink” banana hammock thong.
As the reporter put it … “Picture just some poor spandex holding on for dear life.”
When the reporter asked 43-year-old Cena if that was his usual underwear (and not some special piece for the photo shoot), John confirmed that he’s a hammock man, through and through.
(#3) Cena and his beloved pink thong“It is [my underwear] … More for the fit, less for the color.”
Hey, if it works for you!!!
Naturally, we did some digging … that’s what we do … and found out this wasn’t just a one-off.
Cena famously rocked a black banana hammock thong during a WWE segment back in the day … while admitting he has a “thing” with nudity.
“I really honestly don’t know my thing with nudity,” Cena said … “It got to be like a joke. Like, I could use it to ease a situation up. There would be some tension and I would get naked. And, people would be like, ‘Alright it’s not that bad.”
(#4) Cena doing a cock tease. From the Gay Male Celebs (that’s male celebs for gays, not necessarily celebs who are gay males) site “John Cena Nude and Sexy Photos” from 4/10/19: “John Cena, a famous American wrestler, loves his body very much and is always happy to flaunt it. Recently he shared a video posing absolutely nude showing off his incredible chest, rippling muscles and big thick dick. And when he leaned over, he showed off his wonderful ass, and it looked very hot and sexy. This man undoubtedly loves to be the center of attention, and he deserves it.”
(The TMZ piece shows a clip with Cena in a huge fake Afro, a black banana hammock, and gold shoes. No good single shot that shows the whole costume, unfortunately. Cena comes off as a straight guy who spent a lot of time developing his body and delights in showing it off, and is cool with being a lust object for some large number of gay guys.)
[Digression on John Cena, who I seem not to have posted about, at least on this blog. From Wikipedia:
John Felix Anthony Cena Jr. (/ˈsiːnə/; born April 23, 1977) is an American professional wrestler, actor, rapper, and television presenter [originally a bodybuilder]. He is currently signed to WWE on a part-time deal. He is also the current host of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? on Nickelodeon, and has starred in various films.
(#5) Cena in his work clothes… Outside of his work in entertainment, he is known for his involvement in numerous charitable causes
On RAW, from Wikipedia: “WWE Raw, also known as Monday Night Raw or simply Raw, is an American professional wrestling television program that currently airs live on Monday evenings on the USA Network from 8:00–11:00 PM EST in the United States.”
Cena is famously hard-working and also entertainingly self-mocking. And his causes include campaigns against bullying (which he suffered from extensively as a boy) and homophobia. From Cena’s Twitter on the 7/4/16 [note: the 4th of July] The Independence Day video: “Celebrate the diversity that makes America great”, in part:
What really makes up this country of ours? What do we love? The people. Almost half the country belongs to minority groups. People who are lesbian, African American, bi, transgender, and Native American, and proud of it. After all, what’s more American than the freedom to celebrate the things that make us, us. This year, patriotism shouldn’t just be about pride of country. It should be about love. Love beyond age, disability, sexuality, race, religion or any other labels. Because the second any of us judge people based on those labels, we’re not really being patriotic, are we? Because love has no labels.
Good on him.
End of digression.]
More DJ minimalism. John Cena is lots of fun, but let’s return to our muttons.
From Daily Jocks on 5/12, the DJX Trough [as in pigs feeding] black jockstrap (with matching harness and socks):
(#6) Just the pouch, man; I snap my strap for you, buddy: compare to #1
This one actually seems playful, though he is clearly offering his body. (But I’ve posted a lot about this model, who I’m fond of, and now view as a kind of old sex buddy.)
The general copy from DJ about this line of underwear (sensitive to the current state of the world):
DJX fetish wear has quickly became must have party wear for guys all around the world. Whether you are getting ready for the end of lockdown or just partying at home DJX has you covered.
The specific copy for #6:
Get party ready with the DJX Trough Jockstrap. Featuring a dual-layered breathable pouch, which is as soft to the touch as it is enhancing. You won’t want to take these off.
Oh yes, you will.
And then the DJ ad offer from 4/20, for the Obviously Apparel company, with not just pouch comfort but anti-bacterial properties:
(#7) An ad for the PrimeMan line of underwear, in several styles (brief, boxer brief, thong) and many colors
A range of the offerings:
(#8) Minimalist thongs and mini briefs; love those pouches
Crucially, this ad copy:
Uncomfortable underwear is more serious than scratchiness or getting a wedgie.
Obviously Apparel’s proprietary anatomical pouch and anti-bacterial material combine for a long-term comfort you’ll fall in love with.
Sex sweat meets skin bacteria. And yields the smell of a body. Which anti-bacterial substances are designed to defeat (and fragrances and deodorants are designed to mask).
I’ll use sex sweat as a technical term here (cruxisudor would have been a Latinate coining for the purpose), to refer to the sweat produced by the apocrine sweat glands in the crotch and the armpit, which is chemically distinct from the sweat produced elsewhere. Then, from my 3/5/17 posting “Body work, Part III: Axillary Delights”, about men’s fragrances and the smell of a man:
when the [sex] sweat hits bacteria resident on the skin, we get an interaction that produces a body odor. … Mostly in the armpit, secondarily in the crotch — magnified some by the axillary and pubic hairs, which trap both the sweat and the resident bacteria.
The axillae (and pubes). The mix of bacteria in these areas is more or less constant. Washing cleans things off, but plenty of bacteria remain — to yield a more or less constant smell for each of us, a smell that others are pretty good at recognizing (even in blind tests). And we have preferences in these smells: some people we’re attracted to, some we’re wary of, some we’re repelled by.
As the Wikipedia article on axilla notes, “These odorant substances [in the axillary region] serve as pheromones which play a role related to mating.”
In a double dactyl, from my 5/25/11 posting “Double dactylic sniff”:
Buggery muggery,
Musk and testosterone,
Masculine scents make a
Great-smelling mate;Axillar pleasures plus
Cruxiodiferous
Signals send messages
Out to your date.
More than that: these scents — and tastes — can be powerfully satisying emotionally. Pleasures that can be savored by armpit nuzzling (see the 2017 posting) and also as one of the constituent satisfactions of cocksucking. Not only does your man’s cock smell and taste of these substances, in the act itself you’re burying your face in his crotch, inhaling the scent in his pubic hair and covering your face with his sex sweat. Then you get a mouthful of his sweet salty cum.
If the encounter went well, you’ll probably want to avoid washing your face or washing out your mouth, if you can, to hold onto the smell on your face and the taste in your mouth as long as possible, in sweet remembrance — but you should know that other people can detect his sex smell on you, and you might not want to impose that on them.
Lots of complexities here. Tastes, in sex sweat as in everything else, differ, wildly. As I noted in a 2/17/20 posting “Preference labels and little pockets”:
I had a strongly musky scent and taste, sort of like distilled lockerroom, which some men — fortunately, [my man Jacques] was one — found powerfully attractive.
Others were repelled by it. (J’s scent was sharpish, like a wheatfield with a tinge of testosterone. Sometimes more herbal, like coriander with a kick. Yes, though there’s a generally constant body scent, there are variations within a range from time to time.)
Then the bacterial mix can vary. In particular, rogue bacteria can tilt the scent towards a stink.
In the other direction, aggressive washing can’t eliminate the underlying scent, but it can leave an unpleasant soapy residue. Few people want to suck a cock, or lick an armpit, that tastes like soap.
And so I come to anti-bacterial underwear, like the PrimeMan line above. A consumer of dicks for sex would probably be wise to be wary of pubes and dicks suffused with an actually anti-bacterial substance; that’s the soap problem at a higher level. (In addition, the resident bacteria combine with skin oils to make a protective layer on the skin, to hold the line against really nasty microbes, so eliminating the bacteria could be an invitation to medical disaster.).
Now, a thought experiment, based on one of the routines of sex between men, in which a guy bent on sucking cock undoes his guy’s jeans, pulls them down to get at his crotch, in briefs, a jock, a thong, whatever — strokes his guy’s dick through the fabric and then in pointed foreplay mouthes it lovingly through the fabric, bringing it to a full hard-on (and then unveils the prize, the object of his desire, and engorges it). (The sequence can be viewed in thousands of gay porn flicks, and here the porn reflects the practices of everyday gay sex.)
The thought experiment has to do with the stage of mouthing through the underwear: would you do this if you knew the underwear was saturated with a putative antibacterial agent, like triclosan. (What the fuck would that taste like?) I think not.
It’s not easy to figure out what’s going on with the PrimeMan underwear, but I suspect that this isn’t it. I’m guessing that the garments are merely what’s called in the trade breathable: they allow sweat (with its accompanying bacteria) to be rapidly expressed though them, to evaporate in the outside air.
And that brings me to some recent reports from Ned Deily, who was (for no reason he could discern) assailed by on-line ads for Merino wool undergarments, whose great breathability is one of their big selling points.
Maintenant, revenons à nos moutons. Now quite literally; there will be sheep.
First, Ned was offered Woolx boxer briefs:
(#9) Merino wool (finer and softer than regular wool, so: soft and non-wrinkling, but nevertheless wool — it must be washed in cold water and air dried)
From the Woolx site:
Wool is exceptionally breathable and naturally wicks moisture away from the wearer to the surface of the fabric where sweat can evaporate – keeping you cool and dry. Wool can absorb up to 30% of its weight in water and still feel dry to the touch, ensuring you won’t get the clammy, clingy feeling you can from other fabrics. The Lanolin in wool is naturally antimicrobial, killing the bacteria that creates odor, not only will you feel fresh and clean in Merino Wool underwear you’ll smell that way too!
Lanolin is wonderful stuff, but I see no evidence that it is actually antimicrobial. From Wikipedia:
Lanolin and its many derivatives are used extensively in both the personal care (e.g., high value cosmetics, facial cosmetics, lip products) and health care sectors such as topical liniments [to treat cuts, scratches, and abrasions, and to soften the skin]. Lanolin is also found in lubricants, rust-preventive coatings, shoe polish, and other commercial products.
I also wonder whether I’d find it comfortable to mouthe a cock through wool, even very fine and fabulous wool. Well, I wonder what it tastes like — like sucking a sweater? I wonder if anyone has experiences to report.
Ned was musing quizzically on the Woolx ad when an ad for Merino Unbound t-shirts arrived. He began to feel pursued by sheep.
The ad:
(#10)
From the site:
(#11)
It’s all in the breathability.
But the sheep, nos moutons. From Wikipedia:
(#12)
The Merino is one of the most historically relevant and economically influential breeds of sheep, much prized for its wool. The breed was originated and improved in Extremadura, in southwestern Spain, around the 12th century; it was instrumental in the economic development of 15th and 16th century Spain, which held a monopoly on its trade, and since the end of the 18th century it was further refined in New Zealand and Australia, giving rise to the modern Merino.
Today, Merinos are still regarded as having some of the finest and softest wool of any sheep.
… Merino [have] been domesticated and bred in ways that would not allow them to survive well without regular shearing by their owners. They must be shorn at least once a year because their wool does not stop growing. If this is neglected, the overabundance of wool can cause heat stress, mobility issues, and even blindness.
The miracle, and the curse, of selective breeding.